Anatomy Of Love (Camren Fanfiction)

Chapter 9

Lauren felt a little woozy. It was nice, like being wrapped in a warm-from-the-dryer blanket. She sat in a restroom stall, slumped over, with tears dried on her cheeks. Her vision was slightly blurred due to the alcohol running through her veins. Memories clamored at her, time unspooled and wrapped around her and she had no will to resist. Her thoughts went back to solemn day that she found difficult to erase from her memory.

Flashback

The graveyard was dark. Sixteen-year old Lauren walked hesitantly, bumping into headstones, trying to recall the direction of the plot. Rain fell down lightly, bringing down wet leaves along with it. A startled animal scurried in an overhead branch. Lauren solemnly reached her destination and knelt beside Christopher's grave.

"Happy birthday little brother," she said softly. "You would have been twelve today. Middle school is such an awkward stage, thank God you didn't have to deal with all of that." Lauren pulled back her jacket and retrieved a small object from her pocket. "I brought you something," Lauren muttered as she gently placed a Peter Pan stuffed animal by his grave. "I remember our talk about Heaven, it was a rainy night just like this one. I told you that you'd be able to fly amongst the stars just like Peter Pan. When I miss you, I just look up at the stars and watch you gliding through. But then there are days like today, when the sky is cloudy and I can't see you as clearly. And I just wonder if you're even there." And there went her heart, her tears falling free.

"Lauren" Camila said gently, not wanting to frighten her. Although Lauren instructed her to wait in the car, the fact that she knew what emotional state her best friend would be in prompted her to follow. She squatted beside her, her eyes glassy and unfocused.

For an instant their eyes met. Camila wore a black turtleneck and short plaid skirt with black laced tights. Her long thick hair was in a french braid, her signature hairstyle. Dainty gold hoops hung from her earlobes. She was stunning, Lauren thought, and was the only reason why Lauren still existed on this earth. I'm only here for her, she's all I've got, she thought.

"He was afraid of the dark," she said, breaking the silence. "Remember? We used to read him to sleep. Remember when we built a tent in his room out of blankets and chairs, and filled it with pillows and a step stool to act as a table. We'd take turns reading to Chris from... from...I can't remember the name of the book..."

"Where the Wilds Things Are," Camila whispered as she tightened her hold on Lauren's hand. "That was his favorite book especially when I read it in my dragon voice." She shivered with the thought.

Camila leaned into Lauren, placing her arm around the older ones waist. Lauren relaxed beneath her gentle touch and nuzzled further into her side. She held perfectly still, as Camila held her hand. She was so close that Camila could see condensation on her freckled skin, droplets of moisture in her wavy hair.

"When Chris was a baby, the smacking of his lips was enough to wake me from sleep. I used to sleep right by his crib because that would be my only chance to be with my brother uninterrupted. It was our special time. I knew how to unlatch the crib rail and slide it down quietly. I would give Chris a bottle even before he cried for it. I loved the milky scent of his skin, the way his hair curled around his face- he had the funniest little cowlick, and his tiny half-moon fingernails." She sighed as she sagged against the younger one, the burden of the memories weighed too heavily on her. Lauren felt a pricking of tears in the corners of her eyes. "I can't do this anymore. This pain in my heart is the only thing telling me that I'm still alive. I want to stop feeling this pain. I want to end this..."

"Look at me," Camila shifted toward Lauren so that their knees bumped. The look on Camila's face was devastating, the weight of Lauren's words struck her to the core. It weighed like a heavy stone, dead center in her heart. She cupped her hands around Lauren's face. "You are strong. The most unimaginable has happen but life is always still worth living. You have to make a decision that you are going to keep living. You'll have to say, 'I don't care how hard this is, I don't care how hurt I am, I will not let this destroy me," she said. "Lo, we have so much to experience together. When we turn eighteen, we're supposed to get matching Peter Pan tattoos. We're supposed to road-trip from New York to California and attend every music festival along the way." Her fingers lightly skimmed over Lauren's cheek, brushing away her tears. "I'll always be here for you. I'll be that shoulder for you to cry on whenever you feel lonely or hurt," she said softly. "I need you here. I need you here to have my back, okay? I love you."