Sweet Iced Tea

Chapter 34

Saturday, October 25th

"Leah. Leah, wake up!" A voice exclaims loudly into my ear.
"What?! Joshua?" I shoot up, hitting my head on something. "Ow..." I moan, rubbing my sore scalp. "What the heck, Bail..." I yawn, blinking heavily.
"It's noon, you need to get up."
"I'm tired."
"You need to eat."
"I'm not hungry, though."
She groans and releases my arm in defeat. "Whatever. But if they come and say that we can visit him, and you're still asleep, I don't think they'll give us a second chance."
"Okay, okay. I'm up."
There is a chorus of giggles in reply to my complaining, and I remember where I am. The waiting room, with the whole family, and whatever other person who might be so unlucky as to have a friend or relative in intensive care. Oh joy. 
I glance around the room at everyone, all of them looking at me. 
"What?"
They all look away, except for Jonah, who climbs out of Mom's lap and runs over to me, and shimmies up my legs into my lap.
"Good morning, Lee-yuh!" He gives me a hug.
"Good morning!" I hug him back, trying my best not to ruin his happiness with my worried mood. Stress is catching, you know. "Any word on Josh?" I ask, not sure whether I hope not or I hope so.
"No, nothing. A nurse did ask us if we wanted a pudding cup for the little ones, though."
"You guys could always go to cracker barrel or something," I offer, "I'll keep an ear out for any news."
"Are you guys hungry?" Mr Hart asks, directing his question at my siblings. They nod. "Then let's go." He stands stiffly, dusting off his pants, more out of habit than necessity, because there isn't a speck of dust in the place.
Mom stands up too and grabs her purse, then turns to Bailey and I. "What do you want?"
"Coffee please, and maybe a pancake." I say.
"Same here." Bailey announces, crossing her legs.
"Okay." Mom smiles. "Love you two." She's about to walk out, then she stops, looking back. "If they let you see him, make them promise another visit."
Bailey gives a half hearted laugh. "We'll make them promise."
"Be good! If you do see him, tell him we love him bunches." 
Bailey and I exchange glances, and she pastes on a dulled grin. "She won't tell him with words."
Mom laughs, and the door falls closed.
"You're such a turd sometimes." I fall back into the stiff chair, and she follows my lead, plopping down on her butt. 
I lean my head back and allow my mouth to fall open, sighing softly. "I wish things would just go back to normal."
Bailey scratches her forehead. "You've said that so many times that I don't understand why God hasn't healed him already. I bet He'd do it just to shut you up."
I don't even crack a smile at her attempt of humor. "I wouldn't shut up if he did. I'd fill the silence with the racket of my eternal gratitude." 
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." she whispers, keeping her eyes focused on her hands in her lap. "I wish things were back to normal too."
Gritting my teeth, I stare at the wall across the waiting room, and try to forget everything for the time being.
We sit there like that for an hour or so, no nurse brings news, positive or otherwise, and the rest of the family still doesn't come back with the food.
I try to stay blank, and not think about anything, but it's impossible. The sitting still is driving me to distraction. It is hard to forget about something when you're sitting in it, right? 
"I can't sit here anymore." I mutter.
"What?" Bailey straightens in her chair, smacking her lips and frowning distastefully.
"I'm going in." I stand slowly, straightening my cramping legs. 
Her eyes pop open and she leaps to her feet. "Going where?!" she croaks, rushing quickly to my side.
"Going in there." I point to the swinging double doors, and settle my purse on my arm. "I can't take this anymore. I have to see him."
She shakes her head vehemently, clutching my arm in protest. "No! They'll throw us out! And if you resist security, they might put you in jail!"
I shakes her off. "Bailey, he's dying. And I need him."
"Please, Leah! I don't want us to get in trouble!" 
Without another word, I push past her and into the ICU.
And it suddenly occurs to me. How am I going to find him? I don't know what room he's in.
I walk cautiously further, peeking into each open doorway, without much success.
"Joshua?" I whisper in a singsong voice. "Joshua Gene Hart?"
Further down the hallway, a doctor and nurse walk out of a room, deep in discussion. I slip into an unoccupied room until they pass, listening to their conversation.
The doctor speaks first, after the the sound of the ruffling papers interrupts their initial conversation. "No, give him more. The pain is probably pretty drastic, because according to the the specialists reports, he has a very large blockage in his right ventricle. That would explain why he has issues with being under oxygenated. The blood doesn't travel very well through his heart to get to his lungs."
"I understand. So I should give him more Dilaudid?"
"Yes, that would probably be wise. Just make him comfortable."
I hear walking away, but I stay inside the room an extra minute just to be sure. They were talking about Joshua. I know they were. And it hurts. All of it.
With a quick look around me, I push the door open and step out into the hall, then turn and walk quickly to the room that the doctor and his nurse came out of.
"Hey! What are you doing?!" a woman's voice rings out behind me, "You don't have permission to be in here!"
I keep walking and step into the room that I assume is Joshua's, not closing the door behind me.
He lays on the bed, extremely pale, with an oxygen mask around his face and several IV drips in his left arm. I walk slowly to the side of the bed, and sit down in the chair place there as the nurse comes into the room.
"Miss, if you don't leave, I'm going to have to have security remove you." she says in a hushed tone.
"Why?" I whisper, "He's alone. He shouldn't be alone." I don't look up at her. 
"Miss, he's under the influence of painkillers and his anesthesia is just starting to wear off. He can't tell the difference." She continues to stand in the doorway, not coming in for some reason. "And you're disturbing the rest of our patients."
I give her a tired smile. "Ma'am, have you ever been in love?"
She starts to say something, but I cut her off.
"I understand that I'm not supposed to be here, that I'm being such an incredible inconvenience, etcetera. But I love Joshua. And he's dying. I understand that now. I still don't want to accept it, but I know it is only a matter of time until he leaves me." I wipe my eyes on my sleeve. "He almost died in my arms last night. And last Saturday night too. I'm not leaving him alone ever again while he's still breathing."
With a very bitterly sad look in her eyes, she nods slowly. "I'll speak with the doctor about it." She turns to leave, but stops. "You're Leah, aren't you?"
"Yes, why?"
She smiles sadly. "I thought I heard him say your name when we first put him under. He loves you."
"I know." I nod hastily as hot tears fill my eyes.
She leaves, and her tennis shoes make an echoing "thud-thud-thud" down the empty hallway.
Now alone with Josh, I rest my forearms on the edge of the bed. His face, or what I can see of it, is pinched, and pained. 
"Joshua Gene Hart, can you hear me?" I whisper, and lower my face closer to his ear. "I'm sorry. My Joshua Gene Hart. 'Cause only I get to call you that, right?" I exhale heavily, laying my forehead on the armrest of the bed. I'm tired. Really tired. I've had less than fifteen hours of sleep in the last week.
"Agapé." My middle name is sighed into my ear, soft as a feather. I smile. A hand touches my face and skims along my cheek before finally resting on my temple. "I think I might have gotten up too fast?" 
"Maybe." I murmur, covering his hand with my own. "Do you hurt?"
He nods slowly, eyes still closed. "Mm."
"How bad?"
He bypasses my question with another tiredly spoken one of his own. "Why weren't you here earlier?"
"They wouldn't let us in."
"Mm." He nods again.
"I love you."
"Yeah. I'd kiss you if I wasn't so hooked up." He chuckles pitifully.
I nod, but then realize that his eyes aren't open to see it. "And I'd let you."
His breathing has become labored and he stops talking. After a few minutes, he moves again, and his hand brushes my hair out of my face. "Will you sing for me?" 
"Sing what?" I inquire tearfully.
"Anything." he says, barely audible, and then coughs softly. "Leah, I can't breathe."
"Should I go get a nurse?"
He shakes his head, his breathing into the mask hissing almost as loud as the heart monitor's beeping. "Please, sing."
I clear my throat thickly, and search my mind for a good song. "Do you like the song, I Run To You?"
He nods, exhaling shallowly.
I begin, my voice a little shaky, and hushed.
"I run, from pain. I run from prejudice, I run from pessimists, but I run to late. I run, my life. Or is it running me? I run from my past, I run too fast, or too slow it seems." I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath. "When lies become the truth, that's when I run to you...
"This world keeps spinning faster, to a new disaster, so I run to you. I run to you, baby.
"When it all starts coming undone, baby, you're the only one I run to. I run to you.
"We run, on fumes. Your life and mine, like the sands of time, slipping right on through. Our love's the only truth, that's why I run to you...
"This world keeps spinning faster, to a new disaster, so I run to you. I run to you, baby.
"When it all starts coming undone, baby, you're the only one I run to. I run to you.
"This world keeps spinning faster, to a disaster, so I run to you. I run to you, baby.
"When it all starts coming undone, baby, you're the only one I run to. I run to you."
After I'm finished, my cheeks are soaked with tears. Joshua nods wearily, and gropes for my hand. I meet it halfway and grip it hard.
"Stay with me." He requests breathily.
"I will." I whisper, "Always."