art book?

random

okay, sooo

i made something. idk why and what but its a smol one.

ppl will still read this so eh.

onwards ㅡ!

(heads up!!!! swearing ahead.)

*****

i tried to take a breath. my heart was pounding inside my chest. it felt like it was going to burst out of it in a matter of seconds by now.

am i really going to meet him? after all those years of waiting, chatting and whatnot - he's finally here?

"im freaking out.. calm yourself down..." i mutter to myself, closing my eyes for good measures. I take another deep breath, feeling as my nerves calm down.

sighing, i look up.

12:55.

'a few more minutes' i reassure myself. 'h-he's coming. he wants to meet you.'

then, a thought crossed my mind, every word seeming to take a deep stab into my fragile heart.

What if.. what if you weren't the person he expected you to be?

i frowned.

no. he loves me for who i am. he already knows what i look like, what's the problem?

you have flaws. undeniable UGLY flaws.

i.. i know that i do.. but -

the way that you sweat too much, don't you think that he'll have an awkward time to hug you? kiss you and whatnot?

i.. didn't think of it that way before....

tsk. that's what i thought. once he sees you, he'll definitely be disgusted. i mean, look at you!

i take a wary glance at my body, my frown going deeper than it was. i wasn't thin like those girls who had body goals. i look up and take a closer look on the mirror i had on my hands - the dark circles under my eyes, my dark tinted skin and not-so-clear skin.

i was

imperfect.

i was.. ugly.

right. he'll never love me if he sees me. this is just a waste of time.

i quickly stand up, noticing my friends' confused gazes turn to look at me.

i give them a soft smile, reassuring them that it was okay.

but i was not.

"what's wrong?" dannie speaks up, putting her hand on my shoulder as a sign of comfort.

"waray la. (nothing)" i respond in my mother tongue, my accent going down.

shy raises her eyebrows in suspicion. sh!t!! she always know if there's something wrong.

"are you okay?" shy asks slowly, sending me a small smile.

"she's just nervous." gary laughed it out in a joking manner to ease the tension that was building up. he was seated near me, just right next to sheyn.

"uh.. yeah. heh." i let out a forced laugh, getting along with my expressions to make it believable.

"uy, something's bothering her kaya." sheyn says in a calm tone. "claire, are you doubting yourself?" she looks up from her flowered cased phone, curiosity in her features.

i bite my lip.

she took the words out of my mind.

"n-no.." i answer in a soft voice.

fück! i stuttered ugh!!

dannie laughed. welp.

"you're bailing on him, are you?" she questions, amused.

oh, if only it was amusing rather than panicking.

"im nooot!" i whine, my mood lifting up at bit.

"sheesh. bipolar much girl?" i hiss to myself.

"then sit down and wait for your damn boyfriend." shy says bluntly, fanning herself with her hand, an annoyed look crossing her once pretty face.

unlike the others, dannie was more skilled in english than the rest of my friends. she was influenced by me of course.

"lingkod daw kuno. (go and sit down.)" laughed shey. "if shy gets pissed, maaram ka na. (you know what will happen)"

i huff. geeez, i have such GREAT friends.

i open my mouth to yell at them, but the sudden ding of my phone caught me jumping in surprise.

i scramble to get it from my pocket, almost dropping it in the processes. with shaky hands, i swipe my screen open, much to my friends' amusement.

it was ian.

taking in a sharp breath, i open the message and see.

hey. im getting near the last bus stop. :)

"a-ah.." i let out a shaky breath, typing a reply.

really? im wearing a white shirt, as well as ripped jeans|

okay. that was a lie.

i erase it all again and type another one, but before i could, i received another text.

i can't wait to see you, love. its been 4 years. 💓

reading this makes my heart flutter.

yes, i did fall for a random stranger on the internet. it was a stupid decision, i know. but i just tried it.

at first i thought it would be nice to have a relationship with someone whom you don't internally know - or at least, you don't see physically.

****

that's all i typed before i got lazy.

anywho, what do you think of it so far? i may turn it into a book heh.