Stuff I've drawn #7

skip this chapter

Sorry

I didn't want to post any rants or vents

At least not this early into the book

Really I don't want to have to post anything like this at all, ever

But I honestly don't know what else to do at this point

I'm in the middle of a freaking panic attack

I can't breathe

Everything is overwhelming

I feel sick

I feel worthless

And I honestly don't know what to do

So here we go. I'll just yell my personal problems to the entire internet yayyy

I'm in AP art

And I'm behind

And now I have art block and I need to draw like I really really need to draw but I can't and if I can't draw now what am I gonna do in college

I'm going to college for art and I can't even draw under a little bit of pressure

I'm so stressed

At school today in class I almost started crying and if anything would have happened I would have broken down in front of the entire class

But now it's like 9 pm and if I don't get it together I don't know what I'm going to do because I have school tomorrow and I'm so scared the same thing will happen

I've already missed four days because of this issue

If I miss one more I get into huge trouble

I'll get Saturday school

The school will start to question me about it

If I miss eight I don't even get to hecking graduate

I'm panicking about it and it's making it worse and I can't calm down and I freaking hate this

My parents will be disappointed and mad and I wouldn't blame them because right now I'm just being a complete f-ing waste of space

I don't know why I can't just draw and be happy for once. Like what did I ever do to deserve anything like this I don't know

Whenever I try to draw. Whenever I look at my AP art stuff, I'm just overwhelmed with panic. I feel terrible. I don't know what to do I'm at a complete loss

My way to destress is to draw but because of this nightmare I can't draw without breaking down crying. This is a mess. I've made a mistake. What if art isn't my thing and this was all just me being hopeful and now everything is starting to fall apart?

If I can't do this now I don't know how I'm going to handle anything else in my life. I'm just going to be a disaster not like I'm not already one

What the heck do I do

I have school tomorrow and I can't stop this and it isn't getting any better and everyone is telling me to draw because I'm getting behind and I want to graduate so so badly like I can't afford to mess up this badly but I am and it's like I can't do anything to stop it

I've been visiting a counselor for nearly a year now and if anything I've gotten worse

School is over in three weeks and that isn't enough time for AP but it's still enough time for me to screw over my life and that isn't fair

Nothing seems fair right now

People are upset that my anxiety is causing this but I trying, I really really am but there's only so much I can do and I don't know what to do

Not like the school is helping any

I just feel so terrible and like I'm letting everyone down

I'm even letting you guys down

You shouldn't have to listen to this

I shouldn't have to tell you all this and make you worry about me but I am anyways and it's so unfair to you and I'm so sorry

I don't know

I guess I don't have anything else to say

Sorry for any typos

If I end up drawing something I'll post it

I'll probably delete this chapter later

Sorry guys

See you in the next chapter

I don't think I should post stuff like this. It makes people worry. Don't worry, even like this, I'm not someone who would do something. If you know what I mean. Some people have messaged me before worrying about stuff like that. Don't. This is just me ranting and trying to calm down. People have bigger issues to deal with than me.

On the note of that, I have calmed down a bit. I also just want to tell all of you that if you need help get it. Even if it's just talking. I'm always open, a lot of people are.

This kinda contradicts how I'm feeling right now, but: in the end a lot of things turn out okay. It'll be okay. You'll be okay. I'll be okay. Stuff'll be okay.

Thanks for reading. Even if this is just a stupid vent of mine, I do still appreciate it.

~Mack