Matt couldn’t sleep.
He paced over the cold, hardwood floor of his living room, fingers linked behind his head. He had had another nightmare, and didn’t want to wake his lover. Moonlight filtered through the slats of the blinds, creating bars of silvery light across his features. He tried to calm his thinking, tried to avoid thinking about his dream. Tried to avoid thinking about Brian leaving him.
He sat down on the couch as another sob threatened to spill from his mouth. He buried his face in his hands, clawing at his cheeks in a sore attempt to wipe the tears away. “It’s not real, Matt.” He whispered to himself, “It’s not real, Bri loves you, he's sleeping in your bed right now.”
But he couldn’t shake the feeling that his dream would come true, that Brian would fall in love with someone else. Nasty divorce trials, hateful words, spiteful deeds, and then his husband would be gone. He had dreams of walking in on his husband with another man, of Brian shouting and belittling him, of Brian hitting him, or dying in his arms. Once he dreamed the older man had raped him, and although it didn’t make much sense, it still left Matt horrified.
He knew Brian would never do such a thing, he knew that Brian loved him with all of his heart. He couldn’t explain why he had the dreams, and he wished more than anything that he could clear them from his mind for good.
This time, Matt couldn’t stop the sob from escaping, and felt a fresh round of tears cascade down his cheeks. What if Brian left him for Zacky? Zacky was a whole lot gentler than he was, more charismatic, practically perfect for the lead guitarist. Matt was rough, rather a klutz, and stammered over his words whenever Brian uttered his name. He always did things at inappropriate times, like want to cuddle when they could have been having sex, or want sex when Brian just wanted to cuddle. Matt was worthless compared to Brian, he deserved someone so much better than himself.
“Mattie?” a groggy voice asked, and Matt whimpered, sniffling and wiping uselessly at his face.
Brian padded into the room, clad in a pair of Matt’s boxers that he must have mistaken for his own. “Matt, what’re you doing up?”
“I-I…” Matt’s voice cracked and he resolved to whispering, “I had a nightmare.”
The couch cushion next to him sunk in as Brian sat down, pulling the larger man into his lap as best he could. “Really? Baby, why didn’t you wake me up?”
“Y-You were asleep, I d-didn’t want to wake you.” It was hard for Matt to speak around the lump in his throat.
Brian didn’t reply, he just kissed Matt’s temple and rocked him back and forth gently. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Matt shook his head, mouthing over the lettering at the top of Brian’s chest. “I-I’d rather not.”
Brian nodded, pressing his lips to his lover’s forehead. He hummed some sort of lullaby, fingers running through the younger man’s hair as his lips traveled down to meet Matt’s. “I love you, Mattie. You know that, right?” he mumbled against his lover’s skin.
Matt clung to the guitarist, burying his face in the crook of his neck. “Y-Yes.” He whispered, though he was rather uncertain.
“Good. I love you more than anything in the world, and nothing will ever change that.” Brian ran his fingers down Matt’s chest and settled them on his waist. “Nothing.”
They were silent for a while, Brian’s thumbs rubbing circles on Matt’s sides. Finally, Matt plucked up some courage and asked, “What about Zacky?”
Brian stopped his fingers and asked, confused, “What do you mean, ‘What about Zacky?’”
Matt took a shaky breath. “Do you like him?”
