I don't know who I am. But I do know what I feel is terrifying. I feel like the smallest flaws on my face and body are going to break a person's impression of me. I feel that I cannot be in a room full of people that I don't know, or even worse, that I do know, because they are going to rip me apart in their heads. I feel like if I am in a room with anyone else, the walls are closing in on me. I feel that I will never be skinny enough. I feel that there is no way to get out of this black hole of thought I have created for myself. I know half of it isn't true, but I can't stop myself from believing the lies. I hear nonexistent whispers everywhere, nonexistent stares. I feel that no matter how much I try, there is never going to be anyone who will truly understand what is happening. I can't find the me that I used to be, and can't see a me in the future that makes sense. I want to ask for help, but every time I try to reach my hands out they feel pulled back by something. And I want to scream.
