Spirits

Chapter 6

There was a darkness about her, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I decided it was time for her to finally explain herself. I took a sip of my soda, ready for whatever was coming my way. She took a deep breath and began the story. A story I would soon wish to regret hearing.

"So let me start off by saying, I'm sorry, truly I am. For your parents, my intrusion and what else I am about to say. I need to be completely honest with you and please keep an open mind." She started to pick at her nails nervously. She took a deep breath and continued, her eyes starting to well up.

"I know this won't change anything but I need to be honest with you. How you came to be, isn't what you've known all these years. It's a whole 'nother story completely, but I need to start at the beginning. Your mother and I, like I said before were sisters. 

There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about Annabelle. She was two years older than me but we were inseparable as children. We played together, laughed, cried and she was my protector. We grew up in a town, about an hour south of here. Our parents, your grandparents, were crazy about one another. I remember as a child they had what every other couple in that small town wanted." My mind went back to the memories of my parents, so in love, and so happy. Immediately I tuned back to what Matilda was saying.

"Once we both got into junior high, things changed between the two of them. We fell under hard times and from that point forward things started to go downhill. Father lost his job and started to self medicate. He turned to the bottle to relieve him from his inner demons and our mother couldn't stop it. When she would try he would only get aggressive and dark. I remember one of the worst nights between them. Our father was yelling at our mother and then we heard a scream and a loud thump. It was followed by sobs and cries, then drawers opening and shutting. It was terrifying, and I didn't understand what was happening but Annabelle held me close, letting me crawl into her bed. We kept listening on and could only hear muffled raised voices and a door slammed. We dove under the covers, pretending to be asleep as we could hear one of them walking down the hall towards our room. The door creaked open and the heavy footsteps emerged, it was our father... suitcase in hand. We acted as if we had just been woken from a deep sleep, looking at his bag confused as to what was happening. He told us he had to leave for work and he didn't know when he would be back. He proceeded to kiss us both on the forehead and left. Our mother standing in the doorway holding a rag to her eye, tears streaming down her face. She looked so battered and beyond help, but what could we do. There was no changing his mind, as it seemed to have been made up for sometime. Our mother shut the door, beckoning us to go back to bed. The front door slammed as we ran to the window, watching his silhouette disappear in the mist of the night." Her eyes teared up and she shifted in her chair uncomfortably. I could feel her leg shaking under the table, this just made me feel even more uneasy than I already was. She took a big breath as she tried to compose herself, and started her story again.

"We woke the next morning to the phone ringing. Our mother answered and it was silent for a few moments. What came next was the most bone chilling scream, it made my blood run cold. We ran down the stairs to see our mother, collapsed onto the floor sobbing. Her face bright red and tears spilling from her eyes as she grasped the phone in her hand. She saw us and she couldn't contain herself, it just made it worse.

She yelled into the phone, screaming that it couldn't be true and it wasn't. She was in denial about whatever the person on the phone was telling her. As we got older we came to find out our father was killed that night, while walking on the train tracks. He stopped at a gas station and spent the last of his money on a bottle of whiskey. He was walking on the tracks, piss drunk. As he was doing so one of the track mechanisms locked against his foot, he was unable to free himself and was hit by the oncoming train. There was no saving him, he was obliterated completely. The police followed up on a radio call they got from the conductor, asking for them to do a maintenance check. All they found was splattered viscera and a bloody wallet. The years to come were the hardest to even imagine, but luckily I had my sister. Our mother was constantly working to be able to provide for us and soon enough so was Annabelle. She then left for college and I was left on my own with our mother. My senior year of high school was something I won't ever forget. Your mother was in college two states away while I was attempting to graduate. I was trying to find myself and as I'm sure you know, in high school it is extremely hard. I found myself associating with the wrong kind of people. I was in a very dark place when Annabelle left, she was the best friend I had for years. It was hard not being with her and I got into a crowd that, well didn't have my best interests at heart. This group was one of the most cliques feared and to be honest, I liked that. The preps couldn't bully me, the jocks wouldn't dare touch me. I felt invincible in a sense, until one night. I had fallen for a boy in the group, he happened to be the leader, Adrion." Her voice started to shake and she stopped shaking her leg, eyes locked into mine.

"He loved me, he protected me, and most importantly he wanted me. I was insecure of my inexperience and it seemed to not bother him in the slightest. To be wanted and loved was the only thing I desired. He was willing to, that is at a price I would come to find out. Now the group I was a part of, was a group that believed in the occult, black mass, if you happen to be familiar with that." I shook my head slightly, but continued to listen on.

"One night we all convened in an abandoned shack in the woods, where we would hold meetings, rituals that sort of thing. Adrion told me to wear a white dress, and to meet at the broken tree at 11:30pm. I nodded in excitement, kissed him and went home to ready myself for the night to come. Finally the time came, we met like usual and noticed he was wearing all black. I ignored it and we walked to the shack, figuring we would have a short meeting and that Adrion would dismiss the others so we could be alone. My stomach had an uneasy feeling but I just figured it was nerves. We finally entered into the shack and I noticed candles were lit across the floor.

I also saw that the table we gathered at was put into the middle of the room, a cloth draped across it. I was so confused, I was the only one in white, whereas everyone else was in black." Matilda's eyes started to well up, she was fighting back tears trying to finish the rest of her story.

"I was so naive and head over heels, I should've known but I didn't. I wanted to believe in the facade of true love. Adrion motioned for me to lay on the table, while everyone else circled around. He then opened a book and began reciting, I believe it was in latin or some form of it. The rest of the group repeated it and chanted along. One by one reciting the words, blowing out one of the candles, and leaving the shack, until it was just me and Adrion. He looked into my eyes and told me everything I wanted to hear, come to find out it was to get what we wanted, my virginity. What I thought would be magical was uncomfortable and seemed to be more ritualistic to him. I didn't feel love, I didn't feel passion, but I also thought it was just me overthinking it. I tried to be in the moment but I had the sensation of my stomach dropping the whole time. We finished and he laid beside me on the table, looked at me adoringly. He told me I had no idea what happiness I had brought him and our group. That I had given him a sense of purpose, I was fulfilling a void and that I was a sacred vessel. It wasn't romance by any means but I so badly wanted to believe it was, that I ignored the hidden context of what he was saying. We got dressed and I heading back home with a burning sensation in my stomach. I figured it was just my nerves and better to get some sleep as I had to be up early for school the next day. The next morning I heading through the front doors, looking for Adrion and everyone else but I couldn't. I thought maybe they had skipped and forgot to mention it to me. Until weeks started to pass and I found myself alone once again. It was so strange, I didn't understand it. I visited the shack afterschool a few times, hoping they may have all been there, but no one was. The remnants of that night, left there, it made me feel so used and broken. A month went by and I realized I was late. I decided to pick up a pregnancy test from the local drug store, where my fear was confirmed. Your mom had come back for spring break. She was telling me how happy she was and that she met someone who she was head over heels in love with. She was so happy and I couldn't of been happier for her. Her sixth sense could tell something was wrong, and I couldn't keep it from her. I sobbed and explained everything that had happened. How I didn't know what to do, I was so scared, and felt so ashamed. She comforted me and promised she would make sure it was and not to worry." I looked down at my feet, not sure how to respond, but quickly Matilda continued on.

"You see, there is a reason you've never met me. We agreed it was for the best, and I'm so sorry for that. Now you maybe can understand what I'm trying to say." She stifled between sobs.

"Lena, you are my daughter. I was so young, so scared and your mother helped me by raising you. Giving you a life I knew I could never. I didn't want to risk Adrion coming back to town and taking you from me. I'm here now, to write the wrongs of my past. I want to try again, in any way I can." As she finishes her story my head starts to pound, my heart rate quickens and the words won't come out. My world starts to spin and in an instant all I see is black.