Dancing King

Chapter 10

And along came Zhang Yixing to knock down my carefully constructed tower of composure.

I scrubbed my face with my hands. I didn't feel anywhere near tired, even if I'd been up since dawn. And I couldn't place a finger on exactly why. It wasn't like I knew Yixing all that well. Quite the opposite actually. But something about him... It felt like we'd known each other our whole lives. And I didn't miss the way he let me continue to hold his hand, even long after I should've stopped. I had plans to at one point. And then proceeded to toss them out the window when I found I liked it. A lot more than I should have. And it terrified me. O couldn't like him. I couldn't. No one would look at me the same way if I did. I reached out and brought my phone to my ear, praying they'd pick up.

"Junmyeon," a groggy voice complained. "It's the middle of the night. What do you want?" Thank God Kyungsoo only sounded like he wanted to low-key murder me.

"Soo, I... I have a problem," I said. I waited for a second while he seemed to grow more alert. "I think I like someone."

"You woke me up because you have a crush?" he asked in disbelief. Then he sighed. He was one of the only people who knew my secret. "Okay Jun, what's wrong? Is he ugly or something? Conflict of interests?"

"It's Zhang Yixing," I admitted, and that confession seemed to shock him to silence. "I barely know him Soo but god damn being with him feels so nice. It's like nothing I've felt before. We hung out all day today. It wasn't awkward in the slightest. It was comfortable. And I don't know what to do because I can't allow myself to like anyone. I can't throw years of work away in a single afternoon, right?" I took a ragged breath. Kyungsoo remained quiet for a few extra seconds.

"I can't tell you how you should and shouldn't feel," he said at last. "But it's not the end of the world if you like this boy Junmyeon. As long as you're happy. That's what matters." I let those words soak in.

"Alright Kyungsoo," I said at last. "Thanks for talking with me."

"Of course Junmyeon," he replied. "I'd say any time, but you'd probably call in the middle of the night again." I laughed, and so did he, so I guessed he wasn't mad anymore. "Goodnight Jun."

"Goodnight Soo. Sweet dreams." Once we hung up, I let the phone fall to the bed. I stared up at my ceiling, at a few posters taped up. A small movie poster for Train to Busan. A poster for Super Junior I got in their last album. And a small drawing that I had Kim Ah Young, or better known by her artist name Yura, create for me in secrecy. A scarily realistic drawing of Lay standing off to the side, his prominent mask and beanie hiding his true identity. It was originally a picture on my phone, but a few won and some light convincing had it on paper.

Lay. The name hadn't crossed my mind at all today. Which was surprising. Then again, a lot of things about this day were surprising. If you told me like two weeks ago I would possibly be crushing on Zhang Yixing, I probably would've checked you into a mental hospital. I definitely would've told you that you were delusional. But now that was exactly what was happening, and I felt powerless to stop anything.

I finally turned to my side, hoping sleep would come easy. But it felt like hours before I finally drifted off.

...

"Ew." I whirled around as a voice spoke behind me. Baekhyun. "You like a boy. That's disgusting. How am I even friends with you?" Every word was like a stab of a hot knife, searing away at flesh and bone alike.

"No son of mine would ever like a boy, isn't that right?" A new voice. I turned to mom's disappointed look. "You're just joking, yes? Ha ha funny. Now get serious Junmyeon. You aren't a little kid anymore. Put those stupid notions aside and find yourself a good girlfriend."

"No, mom, you don't..." I began, only to be cut off by another voice. I sagged to my knees as the weight of everyone's harsh words pressed down on my shoulders, the feeling of being pinned only growing with each thing added.

"Please." Tears stung at Kyungsoo's voice. The one who promised that nothing would change. "Did you think for a second that nothing would change? You're as dumb as you are blind. No one's going to love you. Not us. And certainly not him."

"No," I croaked, throat burning like I'd been yelling all day even though if barely said a word. "You promised... You all said you'd love me..." It seemed my world spun of its own accord until I was face to face with the person in question. He curled his lips like he smelled something foul.

"You really are stupid," Yixing spat. His words hit hardest, causing me to bow until my forehead brushed the floor. No. No he couldn't be saying these things. "Why would I ever like someone like you? You're pathetic if you think someone actually loves you."

"No!" I sobbed. "Someone does! Someone has to..." I risked a glance up. Yixing stared down at me, looking just as disappointed as mom had.

"You're wrong Junmyeon," he said. "If you ever think of liking me you lose everything. Your friends will hate you. Your mom already acts repulsed any time the topic is brought up. Is it worth it? Is it worth a life of loneliness?" And then the ground below opened and swallowed me whole, leaving me to free fall through the dark.

...

Holy shit guys. What did I just write?