Dancing King

Chapter 10

"I just didn't know you were one," I shot back. "Okay not the point. I... I need your help. How did you feel during those relationships? What did you do?"

"What did I feel?" Jongin repeated the question like he'd never thought of the answer before. "I don't know man. Krystal and Jennie were so long ago I'm not sure I felt anything in the first place. Sungwoon took my breath away the first time I saw him. Butterflies exploded in my stomach when he talked to me. He was the first one I really felt anything other than your typical schoolboy style crush on."

"What happened?" I asked, sympathy blossoming in my chest. "You said it didn't last long." He snorted, but I could picture him trying to put on the tough guy act as his lower lip trembled slightly and tears threatened to spill over. Jongin may have acted rough and ready, but he was actually extremely sensitive.

"Nothing," he scoffed. "Sungwoon decided he wasn't ready for a serious relationship. We broke it off. Now we don't even talk anymore..." He trailed off, and I heard him swallow hard.

"I'm sorry Nini," I replied. "Thanks for sharing. I'll... consider what you said you felt like when you first met Sungwoon."

"You never did tell me what this was all about," he added. "I feel like I have a right to know after that." My chopsticks clattered to the floor, long forgotten at this point. "Yixing?"

"I think... I think I like someone," I told him. "I swore I would never date or anything while I loved here, and I've mostly kept that promise to myself. But I can feel myself starting to like someone, even if it's against my better judgement."

"Ooooo." I held the phone away from my ear as his voice pitched up an octave from that. "Who's the lucky lady anyway? I don't think I've ever seen you crush on anyone."

"...it's Junmyeon," I whispered, barely audible. For a breath, it was so silent I could hear mom's little TV upstairs running. I bit my lip, waiting for his reaction.

"Oh," he said. "OH, I see. Yeah that's... That's a problem isn't it?" I groaned, wanting to slam my head against the counter but refraining from doing so. Yes. It was. "That's okay. It's okay to like him you know. We won't judge."

"That's not the main problem," I said, taking my ramen and sitting at the table. I slumped over, resting my chin on my hand. "I leave in five months Nini. What if we start dating? I'll be the worst boyfriend ever. 'Hi, I really like you. Let's date, but only for a few months before I move to a different country and you never see me again.'" Jongin was oddly silent, so I had to wonder what he was thinking.

"Then stay," he said simply. I sputtered at his request. "So many of us want you to stay here. Come to SM with Taemin and me. Or go to Bighit with Hoseok if he decides to go. Hell go to Busan with Jimin and go to university. Just stay here. Then you wouldn't have to worry about anything."

"It's not that simple Jongin," I said gently. "Korea was never meant to be my permanent home. Besides could you see me in a kpop group?"

"Yeah," Jongin said, and I had to pause for a second. "I could. You're a great dancer. I've heard you sing. You can do it if you really wanted to."

"I'll think about it okay," I said. But I knew the answer. And it wasn't here. It wasn't in the country I felt like an outsider in. "I'd better let you go," I added. "I still haven't eaten yet."

"Shit yeah, go eat," Jongin said. "Night Xing. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah Nini, see you tomorrow," I replied. And we hung up. Though if the conversation had been meant to pacify me, it really didn't. It just made me feel a whole lot worse.

...

Junmyeon's POV

...

I lay wide awake at nearly midnight, wondering how it had come to this point. All my life, I told myself. Don't develope crushes. Don't you dare like anyone. You're different. No one is going to accept you if you do. And I'd avoided it. Even as all my friends got girlfriends and boyfriends, I'd skirted around the border, never settling on anything.