Waiting For You // Shawn Mendes

We're Not Supposed To Be

"I’m not gonna spend my weekend at home" I said standing up and going to my wardrobe to choose my outfit for today. 

He lays on the bed in front of me watching me pick my outfit. I feel so uncomfortable around him which is not usual for both of us. I took my outfit and went to the bathroom to change my clothes and get out to do my hair. I end up putting it in a ponytail.

"you look beautiful" he says smiling. Instead of being happy because of what he said, my heart is aching, aching because I know he doesn't mean it the way I want. 

"thank you" is all I say before taking my purse to leave. 

.......................................................... 

"so, where are we going?" I ask him as we get out of the house. 

"to the park, don't you miss it there?" he said smiling.

"I do" I said smiling back at him. 

After 2 minutes of awkward silence we arrive at the park, it's 2 streets away from our houses and that's why we always used to go there. 

We sit in our usual place. It was awkward for the first minute as neither of us said anything. It had never been this way between us. My mind is telling me that I’m the reason this is happening now, I’m treating him with silence, I’m punishing him for no reason other than loving someone else, I can't blame him, I’m the one who broke my own heart by thinking that someone like him would fall for someone like me. I want to have him by my side if not as a lover then as a friend at least. I'm not going to leave these thoughts inside my head ruin the one week that I have with him. God knows when I’ll see him again. 

"okay so you didn't bring me here to start a staring game, did you?" I said chuckling. He has been staring at me for about a minute now. 

"of course not" he said smiling. 

"so, tell me anything" I said trying to start a conversation 

"anything like what?" he said. This is getting more and more awkward. 

"tell me how you and Erika met" I found myself asking this question without even realizing, it's like I keep on coming back to the same point I’m trying to escape from, to forget about. 

"okay" he sighed " I told you we met at a café near where I’m staying in LA, I used to go there every morning to have my coffee, once I wasn't feeling okay and she kind of noticed it and then we started talking" 
........................................................... 

FLASH BACK 

Shawn's POV 

I went to the coffee shop to grab my morning coffee as always, it seems like this is the only thing that hasn't changed about my routine since I left Toronto. I just keep reminding myself of what I’m trying to not think about, home, my parents, my sister and Callie. I miss Toronto and my friends, I miss being in my small bubble, I miss these days when my worst fear was not getting a good grade in my Math’s test cause my parents wouldn't let me go out if I didn't. 

I didn't notice that my coffee arrived until I heard a girl's voice.

"it seems like something is on your mind today" a girl with blue eyes and blonde hair said. The same girl who brings my coffee every morning and the one I didn't even bother to know her name. 

"yeah, kind of" I said trying not to sound rude but at the same time I don't want to talk about it especially with someone I barely know, well, someone I don't know at all. 

"the bags under your eyes say it all, but don't worry about it, we all have bad days. Did you have breakfast?" she asked trying to change the subject, I guess she kind of felt I don't want to talk about it.