*MATURE CONTENT* I fell to my knees before her. She couldn't even look at me. I was absolutely lost without her. I kissed the insides of her wrists over the tattoos that were etched in my handwriting.
"I only want two things in this world-you and u...
Nikki's reputation for many years was that of a bad girl. It's what her management wanted for her, hell, my own management wanted me to be the 'womanizer bad boy with the long hair'. You get manipulated for so long that you start to live and breathe it.
Nikki was able to leave her old management once David left and started his own company. He was with her since the beginning and the only way to really protect her was to take her away from the fuckers who keep ruining her for fame and glory. They forced her to do things that would traumatize anyone let alone a young teenage girl. She told me about that first time she did cocaine during one of my visits when she was last hospitalized. I was completely disgusted.
"No one would ever believe this, but I was dragged into a VIP room in some swanky club by my management team and they forced me to do it. They said my career would be over and that they would take everything away if I wouldn't snort it. I...I couldn't go back home. I really sold my soul to the devil when I took my first hit. My career continued to rise while I was secretly suffocating. I felt like an actress rather than a musician. I always had to play my part or they would find a devious way to punish me." She held my hand so tightly as if reliving it. Her reality is different now and her grasp on my hand was like she was holding on trying to remind herself that she was no longer made to be something she's not.
"They wanted me to be a train wreck. I'm already bipolar, just take me off my fucking meds! I remember trying to stop and getting so sick from withdrawals. I'd beg David or Ville to take me home. I made a mistake and I'd rather go home. At least I'd know I would be punished for something I deserved. I deserved to be beaten for what happened to my brother. That was always my mindset then. I'd repeat 'take me home' over and over."
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My little actress in a black dress. I always knew she was genuine around me, though. She put on a mask for most people; any time she rebelled in interviews or said what she really thought, she was punished. I was afraid to ask her exactly how. She was tortured enough by the memories.
"Hey...what are you thinking about, baby?" Nikki runs a hand through my hair and I turn to look at her. I swallow at the heaviness in my chest.
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