Guardians Of The Zodiac

Chapter 11

I had never experienced something as frustrating as this. Being in control of your magic meant you had a solid grasp of who you are and what your intentions were in life. So the only question I kept asking myself was: What was I really doing here? What was my purpose?

Ryder reached up to grab the top of my head and he pulled me back down beside him. When he released his grip he put both his hands behind his head and kept his focus on the blue sky. It was evident how he was back to being Ryder again and not my Handler

"You're thinking too much. It'll happen when it happens. Just give it time, Ace," was all he said.

I took a deep breath and chose to accept his advice. Since it was I who accepted his help in the first place I had to also just trust him and his instincts. So if he was telling me to give it time then I guess I had no choice but to listen.

Focus, Tara...feel the breeze...smell the salted air...hear the villagers and city-goers...see the trigger...envision what sets off my magic antenna...

As a Guardian I was an expert at tuning into my surroundings and into the magic essence of others but I couldn't even tap into my own magic essence? What kind of sense did that make?

"What was it like living at the Guardian Estate?" Ryder suddenly asked, pulling me out of the silence.

"You tell me to concentrate and yet you interrupt my concentration?"

"Humor me," was all he said.

I looked over at him but he continued to keep his eyes trained on the sky and I realized that his question was part of the training. It took me a second to answer him as flashbacks of Guardian-Council meetings and intensive training on my body and mind flooded my memory.

"Well it was definitely boring," I tried to joke with him but I saw no amusement in his eyes.

I thought about my trips to different villages and how I helped a lot of people and gave them hope for a better future. "But it wasn't all bad..."

And then I remembered when Caleb and I tried to sneak out into town to play with the kids in the villages and they were scolded for being informal toward me even though it was my fault. Caleb would also get in trouble all the time because I wanted to explore outside my quarters. And there was a time when I found out a handful of soldiers were left to starve to death because they weren't sent with enough rations and they ended up pillaging a nearby town. And there were also the times the Dodeca treated all of the Sprites so poorly they would end up incapacitated for days. The Dodeca was corrupt and they made me feel helpless, useless even.

"But it was more bad than it was good..." I pulled out some blades of grass and felt a lump get stuck in my throat. "Why are you asking?"

"I'm wondering if you're unable to connect to your magic essence because you're blocking your valve on purpose."

"Why would I do that on purpose? I want to be able to fight alongside the Sprites. I'm tired of feeling helpless," I scrutinized as I sat up quickly and turned to face him while he remained unfazed.

"I believe you. But I think that maybe you choose not to use your power to spite the Dodeca. You seem to be conflicted about whether or not this is what you should be doing. Are you doing more bad than good? Or vice versa. The conflict and contradiction you feel could be what's preventing you from being able to progress forward. It even sounds like you want to like and enjoy being a Guardian but you're so set in your ways that you refuse to see the good in your position."

He spoke so simply as if he knew everything there was to know about my life and about the Dodeca. It really pissed me off.

"Did you get along with the other Guardians?" he continued as I gritted my teeth to hold back from snapping.