Tear In My Heart

9th Grade

Maya often yells at you for the pictures that you take of her. In your defense, you were given a camera to capture the essence of art in this world and there is nothing that resembles the perfection of art rather than Maya Hart.

You like to take them when she takes you on walks around the park during sunset. There's something about dusk and the way it lights up her features that just gets to you and you have to capture it in a photo. It's so beautiful. She's so beautiful. (You need to look up more words to describe her because you're starting to think the word beautiful way too much to be healthy.)

There's also the point that now that you've grown, she only really talks when you guys are alone and considering the serene path she insists on, she rambles on and on when you're on these walks. It's not a typical conversation, either, it's always with big words and deep emotions and nostalgic memories seeping from inside to the open.

"My mother says that I'm not involved enough in school. I tried explaining to her that it's only two weeks into the year and nothing's going on yet, we're barely used to our schedules and the change going into high school, but she told me to stop talking back and that I should've joined a summer sport." Her shoulders are slumped and you can tell that she's spent days overthinking the comment already. Maya tends to blame herself for a lot, you've learned after years, and she thinks that she makes a lot more mistakes than she does.

"Shortstack, the summer sports are arranged for the upperclassmen."

You think that's the bigger word for older kids? You're not entirely sure, but you've been trying to upgrade your vocabulary these days.

(It turns out it is because Maya shrugs in response.)

"The freshman make it if they're good enough. She told me that I was like him again. She said that I didn't do anything but think of myself."

You don't like her mom very much. It's hard for you to imagine having a mom who isn't how yours was. You're used to mothers being kind and supportive. Your mother never called you selfish or ungrateful. She told you that you were wonderful and that she was proud of you and that you were going to do such great things, it was almost unbelievable. Maya never hears that from her mom.

"Well, do you want to get more involved?" If she wanted to do something, you'd do it with her. She shakes her head, though. "Well, then you don't have to, Maya Papaya."

"You don't understand. I do have to." She really doesn't. She's just bringing more to her plate every day and trying to please everyone besides herself. "I really need to try harder. Maybe if I join something she will come around more to see me in it, and she'll see Will in his stuff, too."

Of course, she's thinking of Will. You know that as soon as his name is said that there is no convincing her otherwise. "Well, then we can start looking for things to do on Monday."

She looks at you pretty confused and it makes you smile. "We?"

"Well, you're not the only one with that blind faith or whatever, Hart."

.

In your school, photography students are required to have a camera, for obvious reasons. If they don't have their own, students are given cameras for loan and face good offers on those owned by the school for resale. They have Nokia cameras, Canon cameras, Kodak cameras, Panasonic cameras; basically every type. They have every type of camera in several editions, too, and you know this because you sat with Lucas and you helped him pick out the camera sitting in his hands, facing you and shuttering while you glare straight into it.

The two of you went to an art museum today so that he could find some inspiration, yet all he's done since walking in is take pictures of you doing absolutely everything. You're surprised you didn't have to keep him from trailing you into the bathroom.