Love Without Limits (Wattys2019)

CHAPTER 47

More stars than I've ever seen before. My eyes let me see farther, but they don't show me the one thing I want to see. I would trade all the stars in the universe if I could just have you back again.

•••

Aurora

All those time, I thought he was okay. Or at least that's what I'm trying to believe after the last talk we had. He's way far from being fine and I hate the fact that he have to act like he's fine after everything.

That is why I don't understand why he had to make things easier for me to let go and hard for him to stay and let us both suffered before. Even if I don't have any reason to question him again without getting hurt.. out of pity, I just wanted to ask why he has to carry all the burden.

Why he had to hide it from everyone.

I understand his fear for his love, for his family, for his dream and for me. There was too much fear in him more than I've got. I don't know why but it pains me to see him suffering from his fear.

To fail was his greatest fear and I'm afraid he's at it.

"Nan geobi na."

Saying he feared for something broke me in silent.

"I wasn't always like this. But I got so scared to drag you on this mess while chasing my dreams.." His painful words made me more anxious to swallow.

"I'm sorry. I was a jerk."

He failed me for so many times. But I couldn't blame him for a reason he needed to fight for his dream and even so it means of giving me up. Even if it means dealing with the rules and dropping me like a hot potato.

For a dream to come true like a star to be born, there is one thing that must happen. A gaseous nebula must collapse.

And he did.

Along with my hopes a long time ago but maybe our love was meant to be untold.

Pathetically true, I'm still mad at him for doing that but seeing him at this state melted all the anger buried deep inside me.

Watching the man I used to love before to be so broken like this, a part of me was a little bit hurt.

It only shows love doesn't fade, nor it dies. It's about accepting and getting over that familiarity of being with that person in the future. It's about loving that person on a different rate. This time, our love for them only cease to make our heart flutter with zero level of intensity.

I cared for him. I still do. And it only hurts me watching him this close.. hurting so bad when I'm partly at fault.

For years, I was subtly yearning for him knowing he was with someone else and his reputation. I forgot exactly the reason but I remember it wasn't that pretty much to be a reason enough to stay.

And remembering all those crazy little thing made me smile a little bit. It's just.. it's crazy to think I foresee us ending up together along with my prayers but then reality made a huge twist along with changes of hearts.

Watching his painful gulp as he fixed the lyric sheets.. toss it on the trash bin before grabbing his pencil and starts to draw to God knows what's running on his mind but all I see was pale and dark blue. Different shades but stilk blue.

His stroke getting more and more darker along with the knot on his forehead getting bigger.

I don't know how long I stand there watching him.. trying to distract himself. One big painful gulped before I took the courage to take a look on the screen of his computer.