The Masked Truth

Chapter Eighteen

"What-" I'm not sure I want a definition of what their relationship was like. Stuff with his past should probably stay here. I don't need something else to worry about.

"I started seeing Sasha romantically for a couple of months, but nothing serious. I'm sorry you had to find out this way."

I want to shut my mouth off, but it I can't seem to stop it from running its course. More words of drivel escape before I can even realise it.

"But you're not sorry you kept this from me?"

"This happened when you weren't talking to me. The moment you walked back in my life I completely finished things with Sasha," he explains.

The fact he brings up that I wasn't talking to him makes anger swell up inside of me. He wasn't the one talking to Alex or myself. He's the one who cut off contact. I never wanted him to leave my life, and he did.

Alex has never left.

The shimmer of anger in Nathan's eyes brings the prospect of a long guilt trip about my actions in this imploding situation. His mouth parts and he takes a deep breath. Here comes the guilt trip.

"I'm the one waiting for you to finally realise we would be perfect together." His voice is raised, angry, but swirled with desperation. The glow of anger is long gone from his blue eyes, and it replaced with sadness and seeking comfort.

But I don't know how to return his gesture. I don't know what I want, or what would be perfect for me. Is there really someone who is perfect for me? I thought Alex would have been, or even Nathan, but both hold their own individual flaws.

"How do you know that?" I ask.

"Because I'm the one that you always come to when you want an escape, the one you share your troubles with, the one who's always going to be desperately waiting on the side for you to finally realise I'm the one for you." Nathan creeps further towards me and I don't step back from his advances.

"When was the last time you had stability in your life?" With all the crazy emotions and memories swirling in my mind, it's hard to pin down an exact point I felt like my life wasn't a gigantic circus.

"What about Alex?" I ask.

"Why not?" Those two words send my mind frozen. "All you ever say is, what about Alex? You never shoot my advances down. I know you want to be with me." Confidence surges through is stance as he continues to stride towards me.

He wasn't all wrong, but he wasn't all right either.

"You're scared." The end of his shoes touch mine. "I've made myself too available, so you're never going to choose between us."

"I-" Had nothing else to say.

"It's me or Alex, not both."

The time had finally come and I wasn't the least bit prepared for it. Adrian Volkov seemed like a nice option right now. You didn't need to have feelings there, just a will to start over.

"I don't know." I crumble.

My shoulders sag forwards, and my head drops so that my gaze is fixated on the floor.

"Of course you don't," Nathan darkly grumbles.

My palms begin to sweat and my legs shake. Nathan's attitude immediately makes me regret coming here. A new feeling of power, frustration and annoyance clouds my judgment and lifts my head.

"Why are you suddenly acting like this?" I flip the conversation and avert it to himself.

"Because I don't want to be the person you keep in the shadow, and going to Roza's party made me realise I want to be the person who holds your hand, the one you come running to when you need help. The one you hold at night. I want you." His hands cup either side of my face tenderly.