Insecure...

Not In The Mood

Nadine POV:

    I wished I would have had a happier life. God never puts more on you than you can bare. But this was too much for me. Since I've gotten into high school, my life has went all the way downhill.

First my dad died the summer before I entered 9th grade.

My birthday was in the summer.

It wasn't the same without him.

I thought it would hurt less as time went on, but it didn't. As time went on I realized I'll never see him again. I'll never hear his laugh or corny jokes.

I had no one to make me happy or be there for me if I was sad. I was alone.

My dad wouldn't watch me graduate or get married. He wouldn't walk me down the isle or see his grandkids, if I had any.

But life had other plans for me. Life reminded me that I wasn't nothing but someone who could be replaced.

Those videos showed me. The first when Kassie and Kahlil were caught fucking, then the second was Roman saying how ugly I was.

I couldn't catch a break, but it taught me to always trust my instincts. I had a feeling something was going on, but I chose to ignore it.

Something I won't ever do again.

"Nadine?" Her mom called, she had just come home from her double work shift. Usually Nadine would have cooked food for her mom, but the kitchen was empty.

There was no pots on the stove, nothing in the microwave, and no smells of chicken and rice. Nothing at all.

No food in the kitchen surprised her mother. Nadine always cooked food when her mom worked a double. Something wasn't right.

"Nadine?" Her mom called again, receiving no answer she walked upstairs and got to Nadine's bedroom door.

"You didn't hear me call-" her mom said opening the door to her daughters bedroom, she saw her daughter sitting on the floor with her ex husband's gun in her hand.

"It didn't work. I missed." Was all Nadine muttered.

Her mother walked into the room cautiously but not before stepping onto glass, which was from Nadine's mirror.

She quickly walked over to Nadine to avoid getting glass stuck in her shoes, and slowly took the gun from Nadine.

"What didn't work?" Her mother hoped it wasn't the reason that she was thinking. If it was she wouldn't know what she would do.

She hoped her daughter wasn't talking about killing herself.

"Nothing. Just forget I said anything." Nadine said honestly not wanting to talk her mom right now.

"But you have to talk to me honey. I'm here for you." Her mom said trying to reach out and touch her daughter.

Nadine scoffed at this. "Your here for me? No your not."

"I've been alone in this house every single day. Bored out of my mind. All I have is me and my thoughts. I'm going through a tough time in my life, it's so bad that I want to kill myself. It's something I think about on the daily. And YOU have yet to notice your only child suffering. Your too busy at work. But it's cool, I've gotten used to it." Nadine's voice cracked nearly every sentence. She was tired and she would have been dead if she didn't miss her head when she shot that gun.

"I want to be with dad, I hate being here with you." She finished with hate in her voice.

Her mother couldn't believe what she was hearing. Was she really that blind that she couldn't see her own daughter was suicidal.

Every word Nadine said was like a slap to the face. She failed as a mother.

"Once I turn 18, you don't have to worry about me anymore." With that Nadine got up and went to get a broom to sweep up the broken mirror. When she returned, her mom wasn't in her room anymore and Nadine was thankful.

She wasn't in the mood to talk to her mom.

Not to anyone.

Thanks for Reading 💜

XoXo