Everyone has a story to tell. Every life is a story in the making. And everyone loves a good story.
The part in between the beginning and the end of a story is the part where all the action takes place. Life too works out like a story. We don't hav...
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Nothing was going right for her at the moment. Her dreadful job as a salesgirl at the mall, her turbulent relationship with her boyfriend, her estrangement from her over-bearing parents, her jealousy over her more successful friends, and her absent social life. Absolutely nothing in her life was good. And she was losing her mind over this nothing.
She was spinning into depression and the call of her wild thoughts was too much to resist. So, she decided since there was nothing in her life to live for, it did not make much sense to live anymore. That was how she found herself at the edge of the cliff that bordered her home town.
Of course, she was going to jump. There had been no doubt about that. She had been thinking about this for days, weeks or maybe months, she did not know how long. The thought had been swirling around her head for a long time.
She had hesitated in the beginning. Suicide was a crazy option, and she had read and heard about it enough times to heed the warning. Besides, like everyone else in the world, she had wanted to fight back at life. But it had been months since she had seen any iota of hope in the distance. And as hope faded away a little every day, so did she.
So yesterday she had decided that she would do the deed, and here she was today, ready to do the deed.
The cliff had been a steep climb, and she was still heaving from the effort. Since her mind had been set, she found herself walking unhesitating towards the edge. She stood there at the end looking down.
She saw the houses below, the houses that surrounded the home that she had grown up in. She thought of her parents and imagined how they would receive the news of her death. They would be devastated of course. She had considered getting back home and into the arms of her "I told you so" mother and "Let's get you out of this" father. She had shuddered at the thought of how much of freedom she would lose in the process and dropped the idea at once.
As she moved her vision from the houses to the bottom of the cliff that was filled with huge broken rocks and wild plants, she froze. From fear.
Now where had that come from? wondered the woman as she stood there trying to analyse a fear that had so far remained at bay.
She had never been afraid of heights and that was why she chose to jump. Maybe it was the broken rocks that had triggered the fear. The rocks looked very hard and sharp from up here and what would happen if she fell down? Thump! She grimaced at the thought. What if she felt a lot of pain before dying?! She grimaced once again. That would be the most horrible thing experience, ever!
After a fervent prayer for an instant death, she put a leg forward. And brought it right back. Because the leg was shaking and the other one did not seem too keen to cooperate with the first. All the movies that she had seen made this whole thing look so easy. But she stood there, without one single part of her body in sync with her intention.
The fear of death
She couldn't believe it. She had gathered all her courage over the last few weeks and had come this far only to be stopped by a bloody feeling.
She rubbed her eyes and shook her head to clear away the blocks. I am going to jump, she told herself and moved one more step ahead. And stopped. Damn the stomach. It was so bloody queasy. Killing oneself should not be such a difficult thing to do.
Another step forward was met with one step backward. She fell onto the rock that she was standing on and bemoaned her luck that was forcing her to stick to her life. Committing suicide came so easily to so many people. Why not her?!
There was no point in staying there anymore. She was going to get nothing done today, or any other day if her fear was going to keep her away from taking her own life. She sighed and got up, dusting off her pants and began to trudge back home, cursing her fear for saving her life.
Dear Reader,
We have all grown up learning that negative feelings should be ignored, and only positive feelings celebrated.
But my jealousy over your new dress is only telling me to wonder why I am not happy with my own dress. If I feel lusty over someone who is not my partner, my lust is telling me to introspect my current relationship. Our feelings are only telling us to seek answers from within.
And yet, we shy away from these very feelings that are in fact, guiding us towards progress, towards a better life. This is because we tend to associate our thoughts with our feelings and do not look at each as a separate entity.
The minute we begin to disassociate the two, we step into the realm of emotional intelligence, our guide in this drama called life.
So, what is your feeling teaching you? Good luck in reading your feelings!
