Okay, so I have struggled with this topic, just like the 99.9% of you. If you haven't struggled with this, you might be doing something wrong, I'd wager. That's right, we're going to talk about being single and God's plan for people who are single and looking for their significant others.
Now, there are a bunch of tangents that I could take with this, but I only want to discuss what the Bible regarding singleness and if there is someone out there for me. Other topics, such as modesty and courtship versus dating will not be covered. So, if you are asking why you are single and are depressed because you feel like there's no one out there for you, never fear. The Bible has some very encouraging passages for you.
As a short back story, very recently, I began thinking very hard about if God truly had a woman for me after I asked a young lady in one of my classes if she wanted to go out to lunch sometime to get to know each other better. She replied that she had no time for lunch, and no time any other time. That was crushing for me. For her to tell me that she didn't have time to even get to know me, and by a little inference, that she was not interested in me, hit me hard. For the next week and a half, I spiraled downwards in a mini-depression, wondering that question that I have wondered before, and that question that I'm sure all of you have asked: is there someone out there for me?
I did not originally go to God's Word for comfort, but I probably should have. It wouldn't have taken me long, either, for the first verse that has given me hope in the endeavor of finding a mate is in Genesis 2. Imagine that you are Adam, the first man. God put you in the Garden of Eden with all of the animals, male and female, and He tells you to name all of the animals and to choose one to be a suitable helper. I can't even imagine the frustration that Adam must have felt after going through all of those animals and not finding a helper suitable for him. Not one. (Genesis 2:20) God could've just come down from Heaven and walked with Adam and consoled him, saying something like, "Cheer up, Adam. It's not too bad. At least you can watch all the TV you want without a nagging partner!" No, God realized that there was a need for something in Adam's life that none of the other animals in the world could satisfy, and He worked to rectify the problem.
"It is not good that man should be alone: I will create a helper comparable to him." (Genesis 2:18) God realized that man lacked something important: a helper. And God, being the generous and loving God that He is, created Eve, a woman for Adam that would satisfy his needs for a partner. That's the important part right there. "It is not good that man should be alone." God's own words! Brothers and sisters, do not despair in thinking that there is no one that understands you or loves you, because God has created someone for you! It was in His plan in the Garden of Eden, and it's in His plan today! And think about this: Genesis 2:21-22 says that God formed woman from a rib that He took from man. Now I don't know about you, but I don't believe that God is a God of coincidence, but that everything that He does is for a reason. So why did God form woman from a rib of man? Well, the Bible doesn't say explicitly, but I'm going to infer something from a few verses down, Genesis 2:24: "Therefore a man shall...be joined to his wife." Joined. That implies that something, does it? Joined. Connected. Woman has something that completes man. God has placed something inside of a woman that completes a man and makes him whole. You see, I don't believe that God would create man and woman for them to just exist, no, God created man and woman to go together perfectly! So all of you who are depressed and complain that you won't ever find love, I want to remind you that it is in God's plan of creation that you have a suitable helper!
Yeah, okay, so that's all well and good in all, but I've heard that before. I know that God created man and woman to be perfect for one another, but is there someone out there for me? Like a soulmate?
I don't think that the Bible expressly states that soulmates exist, so this is more of a personal response. It is my understanding that the biblical reason for marriage is to provide a physical image of the relationship that we share with Christ. Saying that, there never was a more incompatible marriage than us to Jesus: He is perfect, we are sinful. But He did something wonderful that makes us compatible: He sacrificed Himself for us. Jesus Christ, the very human incarnation of God, willfully sacrificed His body for sinful humans so that we could be acceptable to Him, Christ's body being the sacrifice to end all sacrifices, forever purging the guilt of sin from our lives. Our marriage with Christ could never be more imperfect, but sacrifice and forgiveness make it possible. I think it is the same with our relationships with our future spouses and boy/girlfriends: it doesn't matter how compatible we are as humans, we can have a successful marriage if each party is willing to sacrifice things for one another, and forgive each other, just as Christ has done for us.
So you mean to say that there is not someone out there who loves me for me?
Well, there is, and that would be Jesus, but that's probably not the answer that you wanted. Is there someone out there who you don't have to sacrifice too much for? Who loves you pretty much the way you are? Probably, but most likely not. I think you are looking for a needle in a haystack if you are waiting for "the one". I don't think that that's the way God intended things to work: He loved us even though we were still sinners and imperfect, so in the same way, we shouldn't expect others to be perfect for us, nor should we expect someone to love everything about us. That's where sacrifice comes in.
In this consumeristic culture, it sometimes comes from habit to get "what we want". Nearly everything materialistic can be made custom-ordered nowadays; it's a far cry from the days of Henry Ford, who said: "You can have a car in any color, as long as it's black." It's extremely difficult to sacrifice things. I know that there are things in my own life that I would wince at ridding myself of, but if necessary, I would sacrifice it. I think about the sacrifice that Abraham almost made of his only son, Isaac. How relieved he must have felt when God told him to take him off of that altar! And then, the example of Jesus, how He must have felt on the cross, begging His Father to take the cup from Him. Unlike Isaac, Jesus wasn't spared a sacrificial death. He died to become an atonement for sinful humanity. I'm sure that He wished that there was another way for it to happen, an easier way, but there was none. Most of us won't ever sacrifice our bodies, but there are more things easily sacrificed: time, love, hobbies, jobs, the list goes on. It may be difficult to sacrifice some of these things in your own life, but just as Jesus sacrificed Himself for us, so must we be willing to sacrifice ourselves for our partner.
I think I speak for all of humanity when I say that it's much easier to hurt than to forgive. I also speak for humanity when I say that it is much better to be forgiven than to be hurt. Why? Asking for forgiveness is a form of submission. It requires us to lower ourselves to other people and admit that we were wrong. It puts us in a position of weakness. As humans, generally we don't like to acknowledge our own shortcomings, that's why it's so hard! Not everybody likes to be told that they are wrong, and more hate to admit it! Yet, it's a necessary part of relationships. Imagine a world without forgiveness. Pretty soon, everybody would start hating everybody and nobody would get along. Why? Because forgiveness repairs relationships. It rebuilds love and trust. Shortly after God created the first woman, Eve, mankind sinned. It was a breach of trust. God trusted man not to eat from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil, but man betrayed that trust. As a result, God banished man from the garden. Sin is a funny thing. It's not one of those things like a car accident or a slip of the tongue that can be forgiven by a few words or some money, but the remedy for sin is death. Something perfect must die for sin to be purged. Until Jesus' death on the cross, man was resigned to murder animals to ask God to forgive their sin. After His death, we were reconciled to Him so that we don't need to sacrifice animals anymore, but we still must ask for forgiveness. It takes a true Christian to admit to God that He is truly needed in his or her life. Just as it is in our relationship in Heaven, so is it on Earth. We hurt others. That's an unavoidable part of life. If you want to have a relationship that mirrors the one God has with us, you're going to have to forgive, and you're going to have to ask for forgiveness! So many marriages and relationships fail because people cannot forgive and people cannot ask for forgiveness. "Unforgiveable" is a word that's becoming used more and more, or perhaps you've heard the phrase: "I could never forgive them!" Imagine how petty your disgrace is compared to the mockery that Jesus suffered on the cross! Even as people auctioned his clothes and spit on Him, he still prayed that God would forgive them! If there's nothing too big for God to forgive, then there certainly shouldn't be anything that we can't forgive each other for!
So, for all of you who have felt that there isn't anyone out there for you, I remind you again that it was God's plan to create a being to complement you. There is someone out there for you, but they will most likely not be "perfect" for you. I encourage you then, brothers and sisters, to not wait for the one who "completes you" as a compatibility test would tell you. Rather, the one who completes you should be who you can sacrifice the most for and who will sacrifice the most for you. Also, be willing to forgive the mistakes and wrongdoings of your partner, and in the same way, ask for forgiveness for the things that you do. The relationship that God intended you to have with your future spouse is a mirror of the one that God has with you; so remember that you are not too imperfect to be chosen, too worthless to be sacrificed for, and too terrible to be forgiven, in the same way, so you must also treat others.
