ᑭᖇOᗰIᔕE TO ᒪOᔕT ᔕOᑌᒪᔕ

Leaving Engi

•
•
Hey! This is my first story on here... so sorry if this sucks, I don't really know the layout much yet but eh I'll get better soon. And again, sorry if this entire story SUCKS, I'm not gReAt at writing but I try. Anyway- the story is kinda.. jumpy. Ig. It's told from two points of view: Jána, and her mother, Sylvia. Most of Jána's parts are told in letters to her mother, who will read them out to you (obviously). Oh and, if you're wondering what Engi is, it's the name of the city in which they live in, but most refer to the palace as Engi rather than the city of Engi itself, since the palace is the main reason the city is remembered so well in their kingdom. Well I'll stop stalling now. Enjoy! ;)
•
•
————————————————————

It was the first of August when she left... My little girl... Gone...
She never had a real reason to go.. just that she wanted to be free. Free of the rules. Free of the responsibilities. Free of the walls she was trapped inside of. I never thought... I.. I never knew she was unhappy... if I'd known sooner.. I would've done something to make her want to stay... I thought I could have done something different...
But I didn't. And I couldn't. There was nothing I could have done different to make her want to stay, because it would have still been the same outcome, only messier. I know that now. I've known it for a long time... ever since that day...

It had started out such a peaceful day, we were all in a good mood for once. That's probably why she decided to leave that day... But that's... It's not the point. The point is what happened. How it happened. That's what I am here to say.
She'd come into my sewing room and closed the door behind her to ensure we stayed alone. This.. was always a bad sign. I had no idea she was in the room at all until I head the door close, which had startled me. So much so that I dropped my sewing needle in surprise when I jumped trying to turn to face the door.
"Oh, momma, I'm sorry. Did I startle you? I didn't mean to," I assured her I was alright as I stood to gather the fallen supplies.
"No, barakah, I'm alright. I only dropped a few things..," I had called her barakah since she was old enough to speak. In Islam, barakah means a blessing, and my little Jana was my barakah.
"Here, let me help you," she told me as she stepped forward into the room
"No need, barakah, I can manage," but she protested against me still.
"Your eyes are weak and you shouldn't put pressure on your back, momma,"
I sighed and stood up, knowing I couldn't stop her once she was dedicated, which didn't take much to achieve. She was always one to dedicate her time to something if she found it needed to be worked on. She walked further into the room and got down to her hands and knees to search for the missing needle.
"Be careful, barakah," I warned, "You'll prick yourself if you don't look carefully!"
"I'll be alright, momma. I've done this a million times before now and I've only hurt myself twice," she insisted this and continued searching until she suddenly yelped, "Ow!," The poor girl had pricked herself being careless.
"Jána! I told you to be careful!," I scolded "This is what happens!" She took the needle in her other hand, holding it carefully just between her thumb and pointer finger, and stood up, setting the needle down on the old wooden table I used for sewing, just on top of my latest project; a beautiful gold and pink dress. It was long and airy, with plenty of room to move your legs freely while still being covered by the silken cloth. It was almost complete, with just a few finishing touches needed to complete it. I wasn't sure what those were yet, however. It already was easily one of my best items yet, but it had to be perfect. It had to be perfect as my little Jána.
I went to her and sat her down on one of my stools. The little wooden one with the cushion on the seat. I grabbed the medical box I kept on my desk in case I myself got injured while sewing, took out the bottle of rubbing alcohol and a roll of medical tape. I poured some of the alcohol on a cotton swab and dabbed it onto the cut just to be safe. She winced slightly but she remained still for me while I dried the wet skin around the wound and placed the tape around her finger.
"Better?"
"Yes, thank you, momma. Sorry I was clumsy.."
I smiled softly at that and leaned forward to kiss her forehead
"You did nothing wrong. Don't be sorry, Jána. You apologize too much, kid!" I laughed it off, trying to bring back the happy mood, and she smiled and laughed back. But then her face dropped again. Into a much more serious and remorseful look. She looked down at her lap and started fumbling with her hijab.
"What is it, barakah?," I asked her, obviously concerned.
"...Momma... I have to tell you something important...," her expression looked sad... and guilty.. all at the same time...
"What's wrong, Jána..," I asked gently, as to not pressure her or make her feel as if she couldn't answer, "You can tell me... Whatever it is, you can tell me"
She looked up at me, tears lining her eyes, unable to make direct eye contact. She spoke in a low tone, her voice shaky as she held in her tears trying not to cry.
"I.. I'm leaving. Leaving the palace... The kingdom... I'm leaving to go live in the villages.."
I could barely speak. My little girl was leaving? But why? What did I do? Why did she want to go so soon? She was only 17! My throat was closing up and my eyes were swelling with tears.
"You... what... what do you mean you're leaving..? How long will you be gone? Where are you going..?"
"I.. don't know... where I'm going... how long I'll be gone... all I know is I can't stay this stupid palace any longer.. I can't take it..!"
This... hurt.. it felt like I was being shot in my heart over, and over, and over, and over, and over. I tried to speak clear and calm but my voice only came out a hoarse whisper.
"How.. how long will you be gone...?"
"I don't know... weeks.. months... maybe longer..." she looked solemn and she was no longer looking at me.. now, she was staring down at her lap again trying so hard to avoid this conversation.
"Will you be back....?" I asked, anything but loudly, desperately searching for something- anything.. any reason or excuse I could conjure to change her mind. ...But all I could think were all the same things she'd heard a million times before. All the same excuses I'd already used on her, to the point where they didn't effect her anymore. She could see right through them like they were glass. She could see right through me.
It was silent for a few long seconds and I only noticed once I snapped out of my own thoughts.
"Jána..?," she only shook her head and wiped away her tears in response. "Jána, please..." I pleaded to her. She took a deep breath and looked back up at me, her eyes and cheeks wet from the tears.
"I'm sorry, momma.. I'm so sorry..." This isn't happening. This couldn't be happening! All the days we've spent together at the market, all the thunder storms and nightmares I've helped her through... How could she be leaving me after all of that..? My throat closed. It felt as though I couldn't breathe. Or speak. I was wordless. Shocked. Betrayed. Afraid. Frozen. I was frozen. Unable to speak or move or look anywhere except Jána. All I could do was stare, wide-eyed, hurt, and crying. Even if I could have moved... This was all I knew how to do in that moment. Just cry. And wait. Wait until someone broke the silence. Wait until I was able to speak again. Or.. or wait until she left...
"Momma... please don't- please don't cry...," she tried to calm me. To make me stop crying. Make me into a functioning person instead of this unstable, blubbering mess of a mother standing in front of her. "Momma... I.. I'm sorry... But I have to do this... please understand that... I'm sorry... please don't cry...," She stood up and  came over to me. She wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug, and I hugged her back almost immediately, burying my face in her shoulder, still crying shamelessly. Her attempts to comfort me were useless. Nothing could fix this now. My baby girl- the only thing I've loved unconditionally, constantly. The only piece of me I had left... and she was leaving...

___________________________

Well hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed that! Thank you for reading, this took a lot to finish because of school and just family stuff, so it really means alot to me :,)
Now, as far as more chapters go, I'm not sure when they'll be coming out, how long they'll be, or how long this whole story is gonna be, to be perfectly honest with you. If you want chapters that come out near weekly, then they'll most likely be even shorter than this one was. If you want something longer and most likely better, they'll come out maybe... eh... twice a month. Again, I'm not sure which one of these I'll be doing yet, so just bare with me :,,)
Aside from all that mess, thank you again so much for reading this! As you know it's my first story on this website so I don't have much of a reputation yet, and it truly means so much to me that anyone would waste their time reading this (Ｔ▽Ｔ)
Well, until next time. Adíos!