Choking On Sapphires

45 Take Me To Church

You'd kept the promise to yourself of having nothing but wine until the cloud of grief started to depart from above your head. Alfie had gone back to work, giving you plenty of time to think. And you certainly needed it. You'd not made yourself work, you let things autopilot for a bit, just trying to control yourself and your thoughts and you were honestly feeling better.

You'd spent the afternoon in your secret room that lay behind your concealed room full of jewels. You'd started with gawking at your Faberge eggs, a glass of wine in your hand as you let the music from your record player move your hips about the highly decorated room.

The conversation with your Uncle, the letter from your father and mother, the intimate night you'd spent side by side with Alfie...all had your heart feeling a lot of things. You chew your lip and stare at the almost unnoticeable recess in the wall, wondering if you could stand to go into the room or if you'd lose your progress if you let yourself into your chamber full of memories. Perhaps it's the wine, perhaps your heart just desperately needed something concrete to latch onto, but you unlock and slide the door out of the way, leaving it just cracked as you flip on the chandelier that hung from the domed ceiling in the circular room.

You pace it in circles, sipping your wine, looking at the trunks, the stacks of hat boxes and the piles of paintings as you make your way to the large painting of Lilith that graced a wall made especially for it to rest on. You let out a heavy sigh, still feeling so proud every time you looked at it. A nude woman, Lilith with firey, long hair in lush scenery, snakes coiling around her body. You'd fallen in love with it the moment you'd seen it.

It was the first painting you'd ever stolen. Seeing as you stole it from a museum, a task that in hindsight wasn't the brightest idea, but you were so proud of your younger self for doing it and the memories brought a much-needed smile to your face. Looking at it, thinking of its endless layers of symbolism and meaning for you personally made your chest hurt. You sat beneath it, popping open a trunk that your mother had sent you after you'd bought your apartment in Paris. She missed you and you missed her, and seeing as you were a woman on the rise and on her own, she'd sent you the family heirlooms she'd managed to keep hidden from your father, hoping that you would somehow find a use for them one day. You hadn't had much hope that they'd ever see the light of day again, but a part of you now, deep deep down somewhere thought that maybe... there might be the possibility now that they could.

You run your fingers over the beautiful pieces made of silver and gold, bejeweled and still shining after you wipe away the dust. You set them to the side, looking to the rest of the contents of the trunk. The doll Elizabeth had sent you years ago, you give it a hug, setting it in your lap. It's long dark hair and shiny dark eyes did resemble you and you'd never found it as endearing as you did now.

What you'd found as passive aggressive when you'd first seen it, now meant the world to you, your mother wedding veil. At least father had let her still use it. You believe it was her mothers as it was fine and delicate but beautiful in its simple beading and fabric, you have the urge to place it on your head but you hold back. No need to open Pandora's box just yet.

A very worn and now holey scarf of your uncles that he'd given you was kept in here now, you'd used it to almost pieces, having mended it many times over. It used to smell like him, and that's why you loved it, it always made you feel safe and was a reminder that there was a man out there that loved you. It was as precious to you as the heirlooms, having been on so many of your first jobs with you. You'd even risked being caught to go back and retrieve it more than once.

The last thing at the bottom, a large ring, costume jewelry, but you'd worn it until it broke as a child. Your uncle had told you he'd taken it from a place in the holy land, and you knew that to be a lie now, but at the time you wore it so proudly. You felt like the most special little girl in the world. Perhaps you should blame him for your fascination with jewels, the memories bring tears to your eyes but for the first time in weeks, they were happy tears.