Choking On Sapphires

44 Hold On (NSFW)

You weren't about to turn to hard drugs again, the wine giving you enough of a warm buzz to ease the cold tingling in your hands, feet, and face. You look to the bottle in your hand and sigh heavily, setting it in the floor by the bed where Alfie wouldn't see. You pick at the edges of your nightgown at your thighs, chewing your lip in thought. You didn't want to be unkind to your body any longer, that wasn't helping things. So your mind turns to how you could be kind to it instead. Your eyes move to the pulled to door of your bedroom, there was another thing you always did when you felt such despair. You feel the tension between your legs makes itself known. You realized it'd been over a week now since you'd slept with Alfie or even touched yourself. That raw need starts to bubble up into your stomach. It fights against the pain that sits in your chest. How could you express what you needed? You'd been doing nothing but crying in the presence of the man, you didn't even know if he'd want to touch you in such a way. But as he reenters the room, trousers sitting low on his hips, his shirt totally unbuttoned and only on for the time being to protect from the chill in the stone walls and to show some ounce of modesty your nose twitches at the sight of him.

You want that heavy masculine body on yours. You want it to crush the pain out of you and fill you back up with pleasure. You want him to take away all the thoughts in your head with the well-educated movements of his lips, hands, and hips. You realize what you need is him.

"I hope you don't mind I got a book that you've already read. You love this Oscar Wilde, yeah?"

You nod, your face showing indifference, but your eyes seemed more focused than they had been.

"I ain't read it but I know you put it in my study for me to read and it seems we got a bit 'a time right now so I figured why the fuck not, if Genny loves it, how bad can it be?" he gives you a laugh as he slides into bed next to you. He expects you to move in some way, not to snuggle up to him or anything but just show that you recognize he's next to you. He hated seeing you so devoid of life and joy. he reaches out as you take a slow, deep breath and stretch your legs out in front of you, a hand landing on your thigh innocently. "Ya alright there, luv?" he asks with hesitation in his voice.

You knew your eyes had to be puffy from crying, your face dry and sad. It wasn't the best you'd looked, but this wasn't really about that, was it? His hand doesn't leave you, the warm comfort from it seeping into your skin and up your thigh to make the need you felt grow, your eyes flutter shut for a moment. You move to kneel next to him, hand on your knee's as he studies you curiously. You wet your lips before you speak.

"I...need something from you Alfie."

He head tilts, he sits the book down on the nightstand. "What's that?" his voice is calm and even and comforting as you always found it.

"You." you say softly, eyes and face down towards the bed. You felt unsure of yourself but certain of your needs.

"Me what?" He'd waited a few moments to ask, though you'd just not finished your sentence.

You move your eyes to his now, knowing you were being too subtle, he couldn't read your mind."No, I need you."

His brow furrows. "I'm right here, sweetheart, what is it?" you could tell he wasn't on the same page as you and no sane person would be after the few days you'd had. He lifts up his arm to usher you near him. But instead, you move and sit in his lap and you see the understanding come across his face and unfortunately the hesitation as well. His hands rest on your hips lightly, not wanting to make you feel unwanted.

"I don't want to use things to help me forget how I feel right now. I want to be used myself."

"Babes, you're still heartbroken. You've been cryin' all day you're not yourself, luv."