Unique

A Little Bit of Help

Yeah but that's also what got me here.

"Do you have his number still?" Makino asks either out of curiosity or to divert my emotions.

"Ah. Yeah." I pull the partly crumpled card out of my back pocket. I didn't know why but this morning I felt like I needed to bring it with me.
Maybe I felt that I needed a real adult to tell me what to do.

"Maybe you should send him a message. Just thank him for being welcoming yesterday." Makino makes her way over to the couch and sits next to me hoping it would motivate me, "Just start by putting him in your contacts. You can always delete it."

I run my fingers along the edges of my phone pastel yellow case. She wasn't wrong.

I type in his name and add a little dancer emoji after it. I click down to the next line and type in his number making multiple mistakes because of my quaking fingers.

She rubs my shoulder reassuringly causing the hair along my arms to prickle, "You're doing great. Want to send a message? I'll read it."

Me: Hi! This is Rosaline. I just wanted to thank you again for brightening my day after getting caught in a downpour. 😊

"Is this fine?" I shove my phone desperately in Makino's face, "I don't want to seem desperate or flirtatious. Just pleasant, I guess. Friendshippy."

She chuckles and gives me a one arm hug, "Send it. You can do it."

I hunch my shoulders a bit trying to duck away from the gesture. She was a little too touchy today.

Against my better judgement I hit the send button and just throw my phone across the room onto the chair that Makino was sitting on, "That was awful. How did I do that all the time before?"

The statement made sorrow blossom in my chest.

Makino giggles and moves back to her chair resting my phone in her lap.

We continue to talk. She asks me about how I was coping with my cravings and anxiety, if I was talking myself down from negative thoughts, and using positive imagery when I saw myself in the mirror.

Not as much as a should but I am trying. I think to myself deflating a bit that I wasn't meeting her expectations.

How I folded in on myself must have given it away.

Makino got up from her chair and went to her desk, digging out a journal.

She plops down by me again, "Have you heard of bullet journaling?"

I nod, "Some of the other arts students did them. You pretty much just draw your own journal, right? Keep track of things you want to work on."

"Exactly." She places the purple leather bound journal in my hand, "Your assignment for next week is to make one to keep track of the things we talked about." She beamed with excitement thinking her idea was brilliant.

I run my fingers along the smooth spine of the journal, "I'll give it a shot."

It actually seemed like a good idea maybe it would help me start drawing more.

My phone vibrated across the room.

Oh no. Oh no. No no no.

I stand up startled. I look at Makino with wide eyes, "He replied! Who does that?"

Makino pushes me gently toward my phone with a motherly smile, "People. People do that."

I pick up my phone and tap the white daisies on my case nervously.

I open my phone quickly.

Rip it off like a band aid, right?

Sanji 🕺🏼: Hello! I am glad that u felt comfortable enough to message me. The pleasure was all mine. U r an exquisite dancer 💃🏼 plz let me kno if there is  anything I can help with. Hope to dance with u again soon😊