CH 3//Why be here?

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TW Bullying, talk of anxiety, self hate and weight

Charlie gripped onto the straps of his back pack so hard his nails dug into his palms. He stood only ten feet away from his new school. He pulled his hood up over his head and kept his head down as he neared the entrance. His eyes stayed glued to his dirt smudged sneakers as he roamed the halls, only glancing up when he was sure that he found locker 148. He dug into his pocket and pulled out a crumbled up piece of paper that was his schedual and put in his combo. As he was digging through his bag for a damn pencil, someone carelessly fooling around crashed into him trying to catch a football. The two came crashing down on the floor. Charlie winced in pain as he landed on one of the bruises his father gave him. The guy who landed on him let out an obnoxious laugh.

"Ten points for taking out the fatty!" Someone yelled from across the hall. Soon the whole hallway errupted into laughter. Charlie teared up and made a dash for the bathroom.

The freckled boy looked at himself in the mirror. 'It's true' He thought to himself with a quivering lip. He was only a tad overweight, making him slightly on the chubby side. But kids were cruel, and liked to use anything they could against you. Years of constant bullying made Charlie beleive he was three times the size that he actually was. And that it was a bad thing. He scanned over his whole body criticising his "too large of a belly" and "chubby arms" down to his "Hidious thighs". Five long minutes passed before the warning bell rang, making Charlie panic. He had four minutes to make it to room 215, a room upstairs and on the other side of the building. He dreaded the idea of being late. He ran back out into the hallway, grabbed his bag and slammed his locker shut before making a mad dash across the hall and up a flight of stairs.

Try as he might though, he didn't make it in time. He was met with a closed door. he could hear Mrs.Harmon speaking to the class on the other side. The thought of him knocking on the door, his teacher letting him in and lecturing him for being late, all eyes on him as he took a seat, It was all too much.

So instead he walked into the nearest bathroom and spent the whole 40 minutes sitting on the cold stone floor scrolling through instagram as a distraction. No amount of kitten videos our speed draws, however, was enough to cheer him up. He felt like a worthless piece of shit for ditching class. He promised himself that this was only a one time thing though...hopefully.

He came across a picture of a decorated paci and smiled a little. He wished he had one of his own. He could really use one to calm his anxiety instead of chewing his nails down to a point where it hurt. He spent the last few minutes refering back to the very day he found out about Age regression.

It was his 14th birthday, two months prior to the day his mom left this earth. After cake and presents, all wich came from his mother while his father was at the bar, he went up to his room and waisted two hours on YouTube before he came across a video titled "little space activities". The thumbnail was of a girl with a paci in her mouth. Curious, he clicked on the video. His curiosity took him from one video to the next until he got a grasp on what it was. He found himself becoming more and more interested. Within just a week, he had decided to try it out himself. He went into his closet and pulled out a box sitting on the top shelf. He blew the dust off and and flipped the top, revealing his old train set. He smiled and set up the tracks. He sat there for a few seconds admiring his work before completly letting go. He pushed his little train, letting his imagination run wild. Ten minutes later he was four years old again. He giggled to himself and played for half an hour longer. Afterwards he would grab his teddy bear he had since he was two, and cuddle it in bed until he fell asleep peacfully.

The bell rang and students flooded the hallways. Charles stood and shoved his phone into his pocket before heading for his math class, even though he wished he was heading to "Circle time", something he did back in kindergarden.

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