Why the Straight One? | Book 1 | bxb

Entry 46 - Feelings Get Involved

It was at that moment that the door to our bedroom was thrown open, and a pissed off looking Cole barged in.

"Sorry about this, but i really need to talk to Raymond, and he's been fucking hiding from me."

Raymond looked like a hunted animal. His eyes dilated, and he looked around the room for some sort of protection from his angry partner.

"Let's just talk right here. I thought our discussion was over."

"If by over you mean that you ran out of the room so as to not hear me anymore, than yes, it's over. But I still have a lot to say, and you will hear it."

"Oh..." He looked at Cole's face, obviously reconsidering being in this room for this talk. "Maybe this isn't the right place..."

"How the fuck do you keep something like this to yourself until the night before you leave?"

We all looked at Raymond, who was struggling for an answer, and looking like he'd rather be anywhere else but here.

"I didn't want you to worry about—"

"Bullshit! You just wanted to wait for the last minute so you could sneak out, because you knew if you told me sooner I'd convince you of how fool hearty this plan is."

"I wasn't trying to sneak out. I have been very open with you. I just-"

"You were open because I made you be open about it. Don't like that with me."

"Okay, I'm sorry I waited to tell you, but that doesn't change my mind. I'm still going." I nodded in agreement, feeling very attached to this argument, as if mine would be settled with this one. Cole sent me a withering glare, and I realized just how frightening he could really be. Ray was an idiot to get him this mad.

"Raymond, this whole idea is insane. What you are about to go take part in...someone's going to get hurt, maybe even die. That can't be you, Ray. I can't..." For the first time since he came in, he spoke with no anger in his voice. He was pleaded with Raymond to see his reason, and Raymond's eyes softened at the break in his voice.

"Babe, it's me. I'll be careful."

"No you won't! You'll do something stupid because you're a fucking idiot, and then you'll get hurt, and if you die—"

"No ones going to die!" Raymond's voice was firm, but it was as if he were trying to reassure himself as well.

"You don't know that." Cold looked desperate now, like he could tell who was going to win this fight, and was scared beyond belief of the consequences. His fear was so infectious that for a brief moment, I wanted to stay home.

"I will come back to you." They stood with the chair Raymond had been sitting in between them, and I tried to pull my focus away from their fight, but it was captivating. You could see how much they cared for each other, despite the fact that they tried to pass it off as only friends with benefits or whatever Raymond was trying to call them. You could see the raw passion and energy in the way they looked at each other.

"But what if you don't? I can't lose you, Raymond."

"You won't. I'll be fine."

"Please stay." Raymond looked at him, his jaw clenched and his decision already made.

"I can't."

"Fuck it! I love you, Raymond, and I can't fucking lose you." A pin could have dropped and been heard in the silence that followed. Thomas and I exchanged a shocked glance before our eyes were on the pair in front of us again.

Raymond looked frozen in shock, just staring at the man who had professed his love to him.

"You...you what?"

"I love you." This time with more confidence, and I admired his boldness. How often had I wanted to say those same words to Thomas but held them back. Not now, of course. Right now he was being a dick.

Thomas' phone rang and he cursed softly, the noise catching both Cole and Raymond's attention.

"I have to take this. It's Jonathan." Raymond looked at relived at the interruption. He and Cole shared a look, and left the room while Thomas talked.

I watched as his face went from interested to down right angry. Maybe I should have left with Ray and Cole...

"Jonathan, I am not taking him with me." I peeked up at that sentence, and Thomas sent me an angry glare. The fuck does he get off being so angry at me for?

"Why would that help?" He stood up, walking into the bedroom probably to talk to him in private, but I decided to follow.

"You're saying that in order to keep down Jasper's suspicions I need to let him see and maybe even talk to Alex. Why?"

I barely knew Jonathan, but I think I need to get to know him better. He's amazing, and I was sure he would convince Thomas to agree with him. They argued for a little while longer before Thomas finally agreed with him, and hung up, looking extremely pissed.

"Fine. You can go."

"Why thank you, your highness! I'm forever in your debt, your highness. How can I ever—"

"Stop!" He held his hand up to his ears, and I smirked at how easy it was to get under his skin.

"Looks like your stuck with me tomorrow."

"Looks like I am, so just leave me alone unless you have anything that isn't annoying to say."

"What the hell got into you?" He could he be so different in such a short time. I could still remember exactly how it felt to hold him when he was falling apart two nights ago. When I saw a new side of him. Now I was seeing another side. A side that was bitter and angry.

"Nothing got into me. I'm just trying to look out for you and you're being so fucking stubborn!" He slammed the closet doors shut, keeping his back turned to me.

"Hey, be careful of those doors. Closet doors are sacred to us gays. You should know."

"And you can't even talk about a serious subject without trying to make it funny! This isn't funny! You could die!"

"It's my fucking life!"

"But it won't just affect you." He turned so that he was facing me, our bodies so close now we could touch, the anger rolling off of both of our rigid bodies.

"Damn it, Alex! Can't you see how much you mean to me?"

"Thomas, you're going about this all wrong. You can't just talk to me like you have been. I'm not your possession. We have equal say in this."

"But you can't..." He grabbed his hair with both hands, pulling at it in frustration.

"This doesn't have to be you against me. Aren't we supposed to be a team or something? I want to be there when you have to face him. Have to talk to him maybe. I want to be there for you."

"I want you there too! God, I want you to be there so badly. Facing him will be....but I can't just risk your life because I want you to be there for me."

"But you aren't. This is my choice. I want to go, and I want to be there for you."

He sighed, turning his face away from mine and staring out the window.

"Looks like your coming with either way, so let's just drop the subject."

"What? And be pissed at each other for god knows how long?"

"I can't agree with you. I don't want you anywhere near there, but I don't want to argue about this anymore. Just...come along then and stay the fuck away from Jasper."

He walked off then, going to do something he deemed more important than working things out with his husband.

Who does he think he is, bossing me around like that? Like hell I'm going to stay away from Jasper tomorrow.