I don't know anymore

I can't breathe

A weight on my chest. A thought in my mind. Craving the feeling. Anything to not be in my head. I can see the other side. Awakening a feeling of despise. Not much longer till I make or break it. This feeling, I wanna fucking replace it.

I can't do it much longer. Broken on the inside and nothing left. Not a bone in my body unsplintered by marrow. Not a tear in my heart where it's not leaking.

Don't fix something that's not worth fixing. Do not replace something that is already fucked. Live or let be. Cry or let them see. In pain or under the thumb. Numb or to broken to feel.

Years of remorse. Days lay awaiting. Something that will never come. It's not worth contributing. Fucking useless and tortured. Adhered to but not completed. Never a feeling of contentment. Not a feeling of peace of mind. Analysing too much in my mind.

Wall of protection shattered and crumbling. Every fucking day, waiting here, longing. A hole in my chest, a thought which never lays to rest. Patching is not possible. Corrupt and irreplaceable. Given a heart but no clue how to use it. Pained by love but too scared to seek it. Approval of others, there is always that ideology of perfection. Standards I'll never meet and lines I'll never cross.

Bound by words. Crossed by my heart. Shown no sympathy, hurts too much. Not their fault, kept in the dark. I cannot call out for help, I'm not enough. Trapped by a false sense of security and abused emotionally. Thought to be okay but I don't want pity.

Done and full of experience. Deciding who I really am. Keeping myself alive long enough to string along others. Jealousy is a falisy and love is a lie. Come on now, we've seen every side. Every side to the story. Every narrative ever told. Pain of the past and heart wrenching tragedy.

Too much weight on me. There's so much stress on me. Fucking done. Wanna be at peace. I just feel like I can't breathe....