A Touch of Courage (Troyler AU)

Chapter 27: Stay With Me

"It takes all the running you can do, to keep in the same place"                                                                               -Red Queen, Alice in Wonderland

Tyler's POV

He took the long path, away from the main hub of the school. He saw the campus the way a new student might: disorientatedly, from the outside. There, glinting in the stark light, were the high windows and the cool stone exterior. To the east was the long, columned hall and airy student quarters. To the north were the administrator building and, beyond those, the shallow stream and forested landscape that had long been a meeting ground for him and his friends.

Memory was sudden: long days studying at the library, evening holed up in the food court, himself walking the halls with surety and unconcern. An unreal former self.

He kept walking and reached the familiar path. He glanced behind him, reassuring himself that Troye was still following, half convinced that he had changed his mind and wandered off. He reached his door and glanced behind him again. Troye had said nothing the entire journey over and his silence had yet to recede.

Tyler remembered the first time they had made this journey. He remembered Troye turning and staring long and hard at the path that led away. He sensed the same reluctance and indecision emanating from the other boy now. Tyler held the door open and still Troye hesitated. Tyler could see clearly he was working through a complex situation and that he was nervous. Once the door closed, the nerves showed in a different way. Troye carefully took off his jacket and smoothed its creases, glancing around him but remaining close to the door. Troye was keeping himself apart, as though, having made the journey there, he had no template for what to do. Dark-eyed, Troye was holding himself in place as though pushing himself past a barrier. Even now that the door was closed, the tension in Troye's body still telegraphed flight.

"Why don't you go ahead and get settled; I'll put some tea on for you."

Troye nodded agreement but his eyes were far away. Frowning at his silence, Tyler went into the kitchen and focused all his energy on making the tea exactly as he knew Troye liked it.

"Here you go."

Troye seemed not to be listening, but he accepted the cup when Tyler handed it to him.

Troye was struggling. Tyler could feel it between them as he could feel everything between them.

Tyler was wise enough to keep his desperation modestly clothed with his expression and his silence. The silence stretched on. Tyler felt from Troye a careful immanence, as though he was deciding whether to speak.

Finally, Troye stirred.

"I'm not sure what I'm doing here," Troye spoke for the first time, and the words were almost inaudible.

Tyler said nothing, taking in Troye's posture and expression for a moment, trying to decide what to say. Troye's mind was fascinating, like a puzzle made up of filigree strands, complicated, delicately woven but without obvious openings. He had to find an opening.

"I think you're here because you want to tell me something," Tyler said carefully. "You're just not sure how to say it."

Troye didn't look at Tyler. He kept his eyes fixed on a point in front of him, their blue slightly glazed. Under the thin cotton of his shirt, he was breathing shallowly, his body held taut, an obvious attempt at self-control.