The Gnaw Collection

Alone

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Rated A: Analog. Meaning there is minimal violence, can be romantic and/or very chill. For everyone.

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I wake up on my couch for what, the fourteenth time this month? I opened my eyes. A headache immediately banged against my skull. I quickly closed them again. Fuck. I slowly opened my eyes this time. I was shirtless hanging off my couch. It was quiet besides me moving around on my couch. I sat up right. My back began hurting as well. Damn what the fuck happened? 

I looked around my living room. It was pretty clean besides my coffee table. Mail, magazines, swishers, and some ganja residue was spread about. I stretched and cracked my aching back. Today was gonna be another day of hell. I already knew it. I got up and began walking into my kitchen. I quickly stopped when I noticed I knocked over a 40oz. It was empty. Not surprised at all. I let it stay on its side and continued into the kitchen. 

No one was in there. Where's Courtney? And where the hell is Trenton? I looked out in my backyard. Normally I would wake up and see Trent running around my backyard with Courtney closely watching. But much like the kitchen, it was empty. I rubbed my eyes walking back out the kitchen, into the living room, and to the other side of the house where the bedrooms were. I went to Trent's room first. Empty. Then to my bedroom. Empty. What the fuck? I found my phone in my sweatpants. I unlocked it and there were notifications from Doms, Left, Tyler, and Court. Doms and Tyler wanted to meet at the studio. Left was wondering where I was. And Courtney's, hers kind of hurt.

"Wife💖: Trenton and I are visiting my parents for a while. I think we should spend time apart. Your drinking is becoming a huge issue G. I hate waking up and seeing you past out on the couch with a bottle in your hand. And I don't want Trent to see you like that. When you drink you aren't fun. Your mood swings are too much for me. I want you to get help. I NEED you to. This isn't healthy for me nor you. I know you don't want to get help, but please do. Not for me but for Trenton. Until you begin getting help I will not let Trenton see you. It's for the best. We both love you G. Please get help."

I threw my phone across my room. I don't care if it broke or not. I punched the wall a few times then sat on my bed and began to clear my mind. She's right. I do need help. I do have liver problems due to my drinking. But she didn't have to walk out on me and take my kid. 

I grabbed my laptop off my side table and Google searched for some rehabs. I don't want to go to rehab though. Fuck that. I closed my laptop and threw it beside me. I went back into the kitchen and grabbed a trash bag. I went to the cabinet where I keep all my alcohol and began pouring them all out and throwing them into the trash bag. 

I needed to do this. Not only for my liver but for my son. He needs me. I need him. I went to all the secret hiding places that I hid my alcohol from Courtney and dumped them as well. I went as far as dumping out all the rubbing alcohol. Once I was done, I threw the bag into my trash can out back. I went back into the house and took a long hot shower. It's time for a detox. 

✨

I was listening to the beats Left made for me. We were in the studio getting ready to start a new project. I was nodding along when this feeling swept over me. I tried to ignore it but I couldn't. I needed a drink. Or my body says I do. 

It's three in the afternoon, which means I would have already have had a drink by now. Maybe two. As hard as I was trying to shake the feeling it wasn't working. And the fact Left just brought a 40oz in with some plastic ups just made it all bad. 

My lip began to quiver. Don't look at it G. Just turn the other way. Close your eyes. I closed my eyes and tried to pay attention to the beat that played in the room. But I continued to imagine that 40oz and me drinking it. My mouth began to water.