Soldier

Am i really keeping time or is it only keeping me instead

Brian Firkus's POV
There is something not right as I look into Brian's eyes. I see his face smiling but behind his eyes there's sadness. "Brian....what's wrong" he stares at me I can see the cogs turning in his head.

Brian McCook's POV - tw: self harm
I don't know what to say I'm crumbling before him I just break down I can't lie to him anymore and I can't hold back. Through stilted breaths I manage to choke out a few words " I - relapsed- again" the sentence was messy and barely audible before Brian pulled me into his embrace.

We stand there quietly just holding each other it doesn't last long before Brian musters up the courage to speak. He pulls away " look Brian I don't want you to how down this path again" his voice is shaking and his whole body trembles as he looks like he choking back tears and he takes a breath to speak again " Brian this cannot happen again and I won't let it " he doesn't sound sure of himself but I mumble "okay" I don't fill him with fake apologies I am sorry but a part of me doesn't regret it . We just sit for the rest of the night talking I just don't think Brian wants to leave me alone I think he's afraid. Afraid of what I might do. Brian sleeps over it's not an uncommon thing for him to do but since he got together with David our relationship became less affectionate. Brian was sleeping in my bed and I couldn't sleep I looked to the cut on my hand from the previously in the day and I run my finger along it. It's stings as it is still fairly fresh. I left my bead and head to the kitchen. There is glass in my trash and for some reason I picked up a shard of glass a large shard and created little lines across my forearm until little red dots appeared and blood ran down my arm and I released a breath that I don't realise I was holding and I watched my arm bleed and I felt that same bittersweet sensation as I did earlier on.