How I Heal

five

I walked up to him, clinging to my bag straps in a nervous fit because I literally had no idea what his reaction would be if I talked to him.

He was extremely unpredictable and it was hard to tell what he would or wouldn't say.

I took the chance anyway, thinking that in the worst case scenario he would probably spit in my face and walk off in utter disgust.

I cringed.

That's-

Incredibly gross, actually.

and I would honestly hate that.

Regardless, I stood there, waiting for him to at least attempt to acknowledge me.

He never did though.

"Hi," I spoke up first realizing I'd be there for ages. "Do you need help of any kind?"

He looked at me with a bothered expression and gave me what looked like an aggravated eye roll.

"Oh wonderful," He chimed. "Sunshine girl returns with the obvious questions."

He looked to his left, avoiding my eyes and I could tell something was definitely on his mind.

"Do you need help?" I asked again. "You're bleeding."

"I'm not blind," he mumbled quickly, obviously trying to shorten our conversation.

I wouldn't budge so easily though.

I sat beside him, a swift breeze passing through as my butt hit the cold seat even through my jeans.

I tried my hardest not to shudder.

"Why are you sitting beside me?" He coughed. "I didn't ask for any company."

"I can read eyes," I shrugged, setting my bag down. "You didn't need to ask."

He said nothing for several seconds, and I pulled at my long sleeves to distract myself from the silence.

"For the record," he stated, his eyes still not meeting mine. "I don't need you to be nice to me. I'm perfectly fine being alone and I always have been."

I tried to listen to him but the wound on his shoulder would not have it. It was still fresh, and gushing, so by instinct, I reached into my bag for some type of soft tissue I could use to take care of it. I eventually found something and pat down his shoulder.

He flinched and stood up quickly.

"Why are you here?" He deadpanned.

The look in his eyes became similar to the ones he held earlier and I could feel myself becoming uncomfortable.

I didn't understand why he was so upset, all I wanted to do was help.

"You know," I chastised, looking up at the British bloke. "That bad attitude really isn't necessary. Not everybody on this planet is out to get you."

He laughed dryly before saying "Oh that's right. Because you're so educated about everything that goes on in my life. Tell me more about my existence why don't you? Of course that sentence is easy for you to say. Everybody isn't out to get you because you put yourself out there. People want to be around you. I am not you nor do I have any interest in being like you, but the reality is, being someone like me means nobody really likes who I am."

I laughed harshly, a bit annoyed at his outlook on change.

"So change!" I said, surprising even myself at my rather cold tone. "You don't need to be this shitty person you claim to be everyday, it's not hard to wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and say "I'm gonna be nice to people to people today." "

"Why the fuck did you come out here?" He spat, venom lacing his tone. "I was perfectly content being alone and now you're here. For what? To make me feel bad about being a shitty person?"

I said nothing as I realized how much it sounded like I was attacking him.

"I didn't-"

"You didn't what?" He menacingly chided. "Mean that? Intend to hurt my 'feelings' ? Is that it?"

I said nothing, figuring it would have been easier if I didn't argue with him.

"Whatever," He said, the sudden chill that was ever present in his voice returning. "I don't even care. This whole conversation is extremely pointless and doesn't benefit either party."

I watched him take up his bag and carefully put it on his bloodless shoulder.

"Now if you don't mind I have somewhere important to be," He muttered, barely sparing me a second glance as he left with the final word-

For the second time in a row.