Dear Future Husband

March 21, 2019

I smiled and kissed him one last time before running back to practice.

Most of the girls complained about the suicides I had caused them while a select few-- including the one who talked to me the other day-- came up to me gushing about the fact I was dating Grant, and a few were concerned about how Clarissa felt about all of it. I just smiled and didn't say anything to them even though I was shaking in my shoes. I really didn't know how I was going to tell them, but I was going to keep putting it off until the right moment came, except this time I wouldn't deny Grant his girlfriend.

He was waiting for me just like he said he would, even though practice ran an extra fifteen minutes because of the sprints and lecture we got at the end about disruptions. I wasn't listening to most of it though, I kept looking back at the parking lot wishing I could be in Grant's car.

Of course we made out, then did our usual hold hands and talk thing like nothing had changed. He drove me home and pulled right into the driveway, instead of easing in like it was a giant landmine like he usually did.

He leaned over the console and kissed me gently. "Good luck in there, champ."

I groaned. "Don't remind me."

"You'll be fine. I guarantee they will probably only be half as mad as you think they will be."

He was wrong.

They were twice as mad.

Let me just preface this with the fact that I didn't plan to just march in the door and announce I was dating Grant. I didn't even plan on telling them that day, or even that week. I was going to pick a later date to gingerly peel off the bandaid, apply some water, take it slow, just ease it off. Instead, the circumstances would have it that I tore off that band aid raw and unexpectedly.

I got inside to find Clarissa ranting about something to mom as she made dinner. I dropped my stuff on the floor and went into the kitchen to get some water and amuse myself with whatever great catastrophe Clarissa was dealing with today.

"... So he's texting me all of this 'I miss you' crap and I'm like that's great and I just ignore him and he's like 'why are you still mad' and I was thinking oh gee I don't know maybe because you tried to rape me."

I almost spit out my water. "What?"

"Grant," My mom groaned as she chopped onions. "He texted your sister again pretty much asking to get together again. I told her she should block his number."

I started to panic a little. "When did he text you?" I asked.

"I don't know, like five days ago or something." She sighed. "I'm so over it, but obviously he isn't. Why would he be?" She flipped her hair over her shoulder.

My mind was reeling. Five days ago we were fine, we were together, we were trying to make plans for the movies. Was he using me to get to my sister? Even worse, was he trying to date us both at the same time? Was he using not telling anyone to his advantage? Nothing made sense, I was so confused. "What else did he say?"

Clarissa glared at me. "I don't know, he wanted to hang out or something and I just ignored him."

"Why would he want to hang out?"

"Because he obviously still likes me." She scanned me with disgust. "Jesus why do you care?"

"Because he's my boyfriend."

I didn't mean to say it, it was stupid, I shouldn't have said it, but I'm an awful liar and in that moment there wasn't a better response. In a way I felt relieved, but seeing the looks on their faces made my gut drop.