A Glimpse Inside My Mind

Faded.

It feels like I'm dragging through time, doing the same thing over and over, trapped inside my own mind. Everywhere you turn, there's no emotion, no feeling. A blank empty canvas with no smiles or laughter. A mind filled with darkness, I'm stumbling through life.

A pain inside my chest, it grows unbearable. I sit and I cry, when did this become my entire life? I have no purpose, no real place in this world. Using music to remain calm, bring me down to my senses.

I reach out to the very few people I care about. I'm brushed off, ignored or simply looked past. Why is it when I need them, the gesture isn't given back?

Don't call it depression but a dark time in my life, I don't like labels given to me thinking that's right. What I feel is what I feel, nobody can tell me different. It follows me around and I'm unable to escape it, especially during the night when I'm no longer able to fake it. A smile, a response, a forced laughter here and there.

But really inside I'm screaming for someone to care. I'm alone in this world, billions of people on the planet. I'm sure others feel this way, isn't it sad that we're so damaged?

I don't have a reason, I feel sad all the time. Trapped and alone, repeating the same action day and night. I can't exactly pin point when it happened, I just know that it's here. Lurking in the shadows waiting to ambush me with fear.

I know it's not forever or I'll remain like this for life, I just want it to be gone so I can go back to living my own life. I want to feel emotions and be excited or happy.

I'm hoping it'll blow over soon, maybe I need a change. Something that has followed me around my entire life has finally consumed me and it's won the fight. I need a helping hand or maybe two, a voice to tell me that I matter and I'm loved.

Maybe I won't believe it, I probably won't.

But it's nice to hear that someone cares. . .

Even if they don't.