Acotar and Tog [Discontinued, Will be deleted]

I Deserved to Know

I knew it was the bond pressing in on me to spill ourselves to each other. I’d ignored it for too long and now it was too strong - we were too connected to keep on with this game.

But the words, the words, the damn blasted fucking words wouldn’t come out. Watching her train was a horrifying reminder of why we were here in the first place, of what she would become if she was with me. They would never stop hunting her. But I didn’t know if I could live with scraps anymore. She was becoming too tantamount to my existence to leave us unfinished like unraveled fabric.

The day grew colder and darker and I nearly let the sun set entirely before I finally took Feyre into the skies between my arms.

It wasn’t long before the curious glances she had given me while I watched her watch me in training turned into the question that would undo us both. “What is it?” she asked.

Vision focused on the trees ahead and below us, I strained to tell her, “There is one more story I need to tell you.”

The story of us. And immediately as the depth of Amarantha and the seeds of our narrative filled my mind, it felt like too much. Too heavy to get out.

Feyre’s fingers brushed my cheek dragging my eyes to her like a magnet. She was so hard to resist and that touch - it was everything to me now. Tender and merciful as the night in my heart.

“I don’t walk away,” she said, sensing my fear. She knew me better than she realized. And it was murdering me slowly that the bond was right there hiding in plain sight for her and she still didn’t see it, but - “…not from you.”

My being melted. If anything could issue the story from me, of course it would be that, those words. Be her, be - “Feyre-”

Pain overwhelmed me as I felt shots flare through me, little needles of pain that pricked the membranes of my wings in a dozen places before expanding into an all consuming burden over me. And all I could think of, the only vision in my head as that pain took over was Feyre.

Her screams rang in my ear as we fell, a shrill cry coursing down the bond for the mate she didn’t know she had. I clutched her fiercely to me as I felt my power fade out. I cast about for it anyway to winnow back to camp, but nothing happened. No magic. No darkness. No night. Nothing came to my aid except my mate’s hands holding on to me to keep us both steady.

A fresh wave of arrows hit. I could feel my wings beginning to shred along the bones and muscles where the venom sank its fangs in and disabled me, everything that I was. My body took hits too and we fell ever lower. My essence cried out for any of my magic - something to get us through safely, but even Feyre, who’s mental shield broke for me, knew that nothing was there.

Feyre .

The mate bond thrummed to life with the urgency to protect her. I hadn’t felt it this strongly since I watched Amarantha stride towards my mate, her arms outstretched and I had known what she was going to do to her. Those hands had wrapped around her neck and I…

I broke, the last of my magic reaching out into the void and surrounding Feyre. The wind that ripped her from my arms tore my heart in two and I roared for the whole of my court to hear at losing her. But if she was safe… if separating us kept them from her even while I died, then…

Feyre. Feyre. My mate. Find me…

They were my last thoughts as I hit the earth and the shackles that would permanently bind my magic away from me so long as I wore them were thrust upon my hands, and I lost all consciousness, lost my mate all over again.

I was vaguely aware of being dragged into the cave, of the men who held me with anger they relished and made sure I was awake enough to see the torturous gleam in their eyes while they strung me up along the wall.