Ambivalence • Jayfeather X Reader •

~Jayfeather X Reader~|19|

Finally, [Y/W/N] arrives. Before she went into the tunnels she was smart enough to go through dirtplace so her scent trail wasnt trackable. She sees Breezepelt looking up at her the same way he had done the last night she'd saw him and he almost falls over when he sees her. She clumsily slides down, not even bothering to try and look halfway decent. "W-Why are you here again? Dont you hate me or something? Where did you get that shoulder wound? Its nasty!" "Well, your not my favorite cat in the clans right now, but I wouldnt say I hate you. As for the shoulder wound, well a dark forest cat said the wrong thing to me and we had a fight but thats not important! Anyways, I really just want to apologize for how things ended..." her voice trails off when she sees Breezepelt looking hopefully at her. "Since its half moon, medicine cats will be meeting up and Jayfeather will probably realize im not in my nest so I cant stay here for long. Your a great warrior and I dont want to slow you down by meeting you here every night. I hardly even knew it was against the code, and I only recently got accepted into Thunderclan..." the words come faster than she intended but Breezepelt seemed to hear everything she said. "I.. I guess I understand." [Y/W/N] presses her nose to his shoulder, and Breezepelt licks each of her ears. "We'll see each other at gatherings, Breezepelt. We dont need these tunnels to be friends." Yeah, if Jayfeather sees me talking to Breezepelt at the gathering, hes actually going to kill me. "Do you promise?" "I promise." "Good. Ill see you in another half moon. Farwell, Breezepelt. I know this is for the better. Dont forget that I still care about you." "F-Farewell... I believe you. I still care about you, too. I will until I die! Ill talk to you each and every gathering! I wont forget you..." His voice fades and the pain and meaning in it slightly surprises [Y/W/N]. She lets out a shaky sigh but gives Breezepelt one last lick on the shoulder, where he returns the favor. [Y/W/N] leaps out of the tunnels with Breezepelts pained gaze still set on her. Now to go to the lake... 

[Y/W/N] carefully steps towards the lake. Luckily, Jayfeather isnt there yet, thus leaving her time to groom herself. She does so, and he steps into view a few minutes after she finishes. "Hi Jayfeather!" hearing her voice causes him to spring into the air and fall back down. He clearly didnt expect [Y/W/N] to actually be there. "Surprised, much?" [Y/W/N] muttered just loud enough for Jayfeather to hear. He rolls his eyes but doesnt hesitate to sit down next to [Y/W/N]. She cant help but notice how angry he looks, even though he clearly wasnt taking it out on her. "Is something bothering you?" "No." [Y/W/N] gives a small click with her tongue. "Clearly something is, and you dont have to tell me. You just dont have to lie, either." "Im not lying. Why are you so stubborn?" "Your one to talk." Jayfeathers moody personality doesnt affect [Y/W/N] that much anymore. Especially since she learned ways to talk back to him, though she did it as a joke. "Well im not as stubborn as you are!" "Yeah right." "Im not!" "Are so." "Am not!" They continue fighting like newly made apprentices during their first task. Even though Jayfeather was trying to sound irritated and upset, [Y/W/N] could easily see right through him. Jayfeather never really got to have this kind of interaction with cats and he couldnt deny it felt decent to slack off for once. Jayfeather goes silent for a moment but continues. "Am. Not." "Are so~" "Are so." "Am not!" "So you agree." "Dang it, your good." "I know I am, stupid furball." "Thats mean." [Y/W/N] lets out a fake whimper. "Well, im mean. Get used to it." "I am used to it, jayno-eyes." "Shut it!" [Y/W/N] lets out an amused purr. She heard Lionblaze teasing Jayfeather about this a little while ago, and thats how she knew about his 'nick name'. Jayfeathers flattens his ears in embarrassment.  "Your blind eyes are very pretty, Jayfeather. No need to worry." "Im literally about to shove herbs down your throat and choke you to death." "Oooh? Im so scared!" "Dont test me." [Y/W/N] pokes his bristling pelt with a claw gently. "Test." "Why, you little-" he smacks [Y/W/N]'s muzzle (gently-ish.) with his paw. She lets out a startled yelp and he flinches, thinking he actually hurt her for a moment. She clumsily falls over and begins laughing which, of course, let him know she was fine. "Your so fun to tease." "I will hit you again and this time it'll actually hurt." "Okay, okay! Jeez.." As [Y/W/N] continues studying the stars, she turns her glance towards Jayfeather. Behind his calm, blind eyes was something she didnt understand. Something that made him look like, even though he always strided ever so confidently, the future was weighed on his shoulders. It looked like even though he probably wasnt, he was tortured every day because of something he used to be; He used to know. The pain behind all of his confidence seems so horrible. How have I not seen it before? Breaking her thoughts, he begins to rise up and flicks his tail. "We should get back." "Alright." Jayfeather and [Y/W/N] walk silently back to camp together. [Y/W/N] finds it impossible to forget what was behind his eyes. That pain that she couldnt get the confidence to talk about. She couldnt forget what she saw, behind everything; this pain that looked like hes felt for so long. They make it to the medicine cat den and [Y/W/N] tucks into her nest again, and Jayfeather into his. She falls asleep quickly, along with Jayfeather, with nothing said between them.

What [Y/W/N] wished to know so dearly was why Jayfeather was so hurt; because, when he went to share tongues with Starclan, he saw the Tribe of Endless Hunting. Half Moon was there, and she had to confirm something that he never wanted to hear; even though she would wait for him forever, he wasnt Jay's Wing. He was Jayfeather. The blind, grumpy medicine cat of Thunderclan. She only fears that, with Jayfeather alive and the prophecy uncomplete, her   true beloved mate would not be able to return to her until that changes. She will wait forever, until she knows when, the exact second, Jay's Wing will be able to return to her. And that second, is probably going to have to be the moment Jayfeather comes to Starclan. The fact she had told him she doesnt care for him wasnt what hit him, though. What hit him is that he thought no cat in any period of time would ever care for him or want to wait for him. Even as a friend.