Ambivalence • Jayfeather X Reader •

~Jayfeather X Reader~|19|

The first massive, dark tabby she sees appears in her mind, and a voice rings in her head. Tigerstar. She has a flashback of this cat attacking a blue-gray she cat. Bluestar. She wants to look away as he gets the upper paw until she sees Firestar, though a younger version, save her.

The calico and white she cat appears. Mapleshade. A vision appears of Mapleshade diving into water, after drowning kits that [Y/W/N] immediately knew were hers and sympathy floods through her. Well, that lasted until she saw Mapleshade killing a medicine cat and almost killing a queen. 

The dark gray and black tabby appears in her mind. Darkstripe. She sees Bluestar exiling him from Thunderclan, and his furious words that pour out of his muzzle at the action. She sees how confused he is when he first joins the Dark Forest, and realizes he expected to join Starclan.

The dark brown tabby with cold, blue eyes comes to her. It stays longer than the others. Hawkfrost. She sees him talking to Brambleclaw in a low voice, with Firestar stuck in a trap. The evil tom was trying to convince Brambleclaw to leave Firestar to die and become leader. When [Y/W/N] sees Brambleclaw begin to hesitate, she wants to throw up everything shes ever eaten. She loses this feeling when she sees Brambleclaw begin to attack Hawkfrost.

By the end of the flashbacks, the cats just have disappeared. [Y/W/N] isnt able to push back the pain their words have caused her any longer and it takes over her like an icy lake, pulling her deep within. Firestar bursts into the den. "I heard fighting!" he violently looks around the den only seeing Jayfeather and [Y/W/N]. He looks towards Briarlights spot and almost has a panic attack when he doesnt see her before he views her talking with Blossomfall near the fresh kill pile. He looks towards [Y/W/N] and Jayfeather again who were dead silent out of pure shock, and notices [Y/W/N]'s newly open wound. He smells the dark, rusty scent in the air and immediately knows what happen. "No... No!" Firestar realizes he said this out loud and smacks his muzzle with his tail. "We'll tell the clan whats been happening soon. The dark forest is rising faster than we thought." He walks out of the den with his tail lashing, both angrily and anxiously. Jayfeather immediately snaps his gaze towards [Y/W/N] and sniffs her shoulder. He forces her into a nest with his tail, and [Y/W/N] remembers something. Around an hour until sun-down... He begins getting herbs and treats her wounds. Once he finishes, he breaks the silence. "What did they tell you?" His voice was calm as he tried to sound reassuring, but [Y/W/N] could see the anger behind his blind blue eyes. Sadness continues spreading through her veins. "I dont want to repeat them." Jayfeather only then feels the sadness pouring through her. "Do you mind if I-" "Not at all." [Y/W/N] buries her muzzle in her paws and Jayfeather begins rummaging through her memories and sees the dark forest cats taunting her, and he begins seeing and hearing as she saw and heard. "Why would the almighty Jayfeather sympathize for a cat like you? He doesnt. He never cared for you, but Firestar used to be a kittypet. He has a soft spot for weaklings, but we dont." "Hes only doing this because hes forced to." "Get revenge while you can!" "Dont you want to know how to slice a cats belly open with a quick swipe of your paw?" And then, the longest one comes. "Face it, [Y/W/N]. Jayfeather doesnt care for you. He never has. If he cared, he wouldnt have been too scared to save Zapper. Zapper could have been saved, but Jayfeather chose not to save him. Its his fault he died. You can get revenge, if you would just join--" Then, it stops. Jayfeather realizes thats when [Y/W/N] lunged at Hawkfrost. He snaps back into reality. "Excuse me for a moment," he mutters and steps out of the den. [Y/W/N]  wonders what hes doing but begins to hear violent scratching at a nearby tree and swallows back an amused purr. He comes back in slightly calmer. "Just so you know, Zapper died of old age. I couldnt save him and if I could, I definitely would have." "I know that! Like I would doubt such a thing. "Meanwhile, how dare you even consider that they might have been telling the truth when they said the other stuff?" How did he know? and then she remembers. ... Oh. He turns towards her angrily and [Y/W/N] pins her ears back. "T-They just.. I...?" [Y/W/N] pauses after not being able to argue and Jayfeather and narrows his eyes. "Your right." "I know I am." Jayfeather retorts smoothly. [Y/W/N] lets out a soft purr. "Your back is almost completely healed and your shoulder wound isnt that deep. You can probably go back to hunting tomorrow." "Thank you, Jayfeather." He nods and [Y/W/N] realizes its already sun-down. Leafpool pokes her head into the medicine den. "Its half moon, Jayfeather." before he can respond, she already left. "I know that!" he hisses under his breath. "Whats half moon?" "Every half moon, medicine cats go to meet up at the moonpool to talk with Starclan." "Oooh!" After a few minutes of pure silence, the rest of the warriors begin coming back from hunting and patrols and go to their dens along with the apprentices. Briarlight is already snoring and Jayfeather was taking his time grooming himself. He stops and turns towards [Y/W/N]. "If your not here when im back, im going to kill you." "Can I take a walk to the lake? Im stiff." Jayfeather pauses for a moment. "...Fine. If your not in your nest or near the lake, your crow-food." "Deal." He steps out of the den and makes his way to the moonpool. Once [Y/W/N] is sure he isnt still there spying or anything, she gets out of the den carefully and makes her way towards the tunnels.