Honestly there are times when I just sit in my room and cry about what happened all the damage that was done. I probably will always blame myself and Bailey will to. He probably won't ever forgive himself and I won't forgive myself either we're alike in that way. At the same time I don't know if I'll ever forgive him either. Even though it's been probably seven months since everything started it feels like yesterday was the first time they ever started doing something wrong. The worst part after all of it was reliving the memory over and over and over. When I told that teacher was the first of four times in that hour I had to relive each terrifying moment. It wasn't just the officer taking my statement it was the male principal after male principal and the blame they aimed towards me because it was "all my fault" and "I should have said something sooner." What about how it took me being forced to actually say something was the only reason I said anything. What about the fact that you could hear everyone in that tiny entrance to the offices talking about what happened in front of other students and the look of pity in their eyes when I was transferred from office to office where they would immediately start talking about me. Or that I was a slut because it happened to me and I sometimes wore crop tops and I wore leggings with shirts that didn't always go down to mid-thigh. You could still see the pity on their faces each time I walk into that office. The files they made that they would review and made a big scene of checking on the situation like that made anything better. Not how was I coping now how I start to hyperventilate every time one of them walks into the room. Not how my friends cannot understand unless they have every single last detail. Or that I would be terrified the moment they started to date one of my friends so I had to be close to them then.
