Highland Fling - A Funny Chick Lit Romance (COMPLETE)

Go forth and conquer, girlfriend

 After one more glass of Pimms—despite Jolene's promise she would drink mine, she foisted it on me—I admit only to the Dexter kiss, and saying Jack "seems like a decent chap". I utter the words through pursed lips and know my nanna would be proud of me. 'Decent chap' was high praise in the 1960s, but tells you nothing. I don't say, 'hot' or use the phrase, "I wouldn't push him out of bed for farting", which is Katya's ultimate compliment.

Jolene shakes her head and tries her best to pry further. Luckily, the hill-walker who'd considered himself the soul of wit with his question about Scottish stereotypes fancies his chances with her. He sidles up to her and gives me the perfect cue to leave. On the way out, I spot Stewart at the bar.

"Gaby!" he exclaims, startling Scottie who'd been sleeping at his feet. "Have ye seen ma Jolene?"

I shrug. His girlfriend probably isn't interested in the hill-walkers, but I'd seen the way her eyes lit up when Mr Thinks Himself So Witty sidled up to her and put it down the window shopping thing women who've been in long-term relationships occasionally like to do. I guess she'll let the hill-walker talk his (merino wool hill-walking) socks off, and then retreat, buoyed up by enough flattery and attention to last three months or so.

Back in the house, Mena fed and watered with some left-over ham she went mad for, I decide to phone Katya. Dexter had promised something would be done about the Wi-Fi reception and phone masts in the village. It needed to work all over and not just in certain streets or portions of those streets if the Blissful Beauty launch was to be a success. And now, three months after moving to Lochalshie, I am finally able to phone my friend while sitting on the couch in the house. It crosses my mind I could transfer my Mac so I could work here, but I decide to park that thought. Besides, traipsing back through the village with all that heavy hardware would be tedious, right?

"Katya! How are you!"

"Have you been drinking?"

I (almost) never lie to my best friend, though I'm often guilty of omission. I press the phone harder to my ear and tap the cushion on my leg to encourage Mena to jump up and join me. I've a feeling I might need her support.

"No. I mean yes, a tiny bit," I say. "I phoned you for a catch-up. Jack, Dexter, tonight. Is that okay? And also to repeat the question—when, when, when are you coming to visit me?"

Awkward silence. It stretches out one, two, three seconds too long.

"So busy," she mutters. "Can't take time off. That's what freelancing is like, isn't it?"

No, I say, often it allows flexibility you don't get with a nine-to-five job. Is it the Blissful Beauty stuff that's taking up all her time, or what about the ghost-writing book job, is that it? I hear breath drawn in. I've hit the truth.

"The book job, then!"

I've badgered her for weeks about it, tell me, Katya, speculating wildly on the ghost writee's identity. I ran through various celebrities and reality TV stars—even bloomin' Caitlin of Blissful Beauty—asking if that was on whose behalf she was writing and coming up with wacky titles for their autobiographies.

"If I ever tell you I'm considering ghost-writing for someone again, please break my fingers. Honestly, pain in the digits is preferable to pains in the neck, arse and everything else this wretched job has turned into. I've been sitting in front of my laptop for so long now, I'm square-eyed and my shoulders are stuck up around my ears. I have to write using this celebrity's voice and she insists on exclamation marks everywhere, even though I hate them and they have no place in a non-fiction book, especially one that's meant to be taken seriously."

I tell her the plans for the Blissful Beauty launch and about Dexter and his suggestion we hook up post event.

"NO! Did you get the capital letters there? I'm worried you might think I'm kidding around. I decided when you finished with Ryan, thank all the heavens and stars, that any prospective boyfriend had to be vetted by me from now on."