Coldmess

17 Again

After about two hours of doing math, Ivara spoke up, "Shit I forgot, mom has called you to visit tonight, she already informed you're mother."

"Oh" I said as I was caught off guard as I tried to find the 'y' for an 'x' after integrating an equation. Seriously can't the y find his own x.

"And it would probably be awkward when he does cause you know he's y's ex." Ivara said. Yeah she read my mind. I looked down smiling at her corny joke "How can you read me so well?" I said shaking my head.

"Perks of being a best friend, now get ready, I'm taking a short nap until you change in the guestroom." She stated nonchalantly falling on my bed and closing her eyes even before I could reply. Yeah she kicked me out of my own room, that's being bestfriends with her for me.

"You said that out loud." She stated, her eyes still closed but an amusing smile forming on her face. I blushed and resorted with a pair of black jeans and a plain round neck orange tee to the guestroom as fast as I could to hide my embarassment. Way to go Ash to voice you're thoughts without thinking, some day you're gonna say something like this about Cason. I paled at the thought, no one could know, atleast no one in my family, it would break them. Sealing my mouth like a zipper and locking it with my hands I promised myself to keep the secret a secret as long as I could. Ofcourse, it led to all those tiring thoughts of what if they find out and they'll get hurt and what are you doing Ash to roam freely through my mind. So much for distracting myself with Math, anyways my efforts were down the drain.

I groaned as I entered my room waking Ivara from her nap.
"Ughhh, you change so fast, you should have been a girl, you'd take more time then." She stated trying to sound teasing but wasn't able to keep her irritation out of her voice cause of lacking in a quality nap.

"Yeah, if I was, everything would have been so less complicated" I said huffing as I put my pyjamas back in the dresser.

"I was just kidding Ash, what happened?" She asked, her tone suddenly concerned. I didn't have to say a word as realisation dawned on her "Oh, c'mon Ash, don't think much of it, look Cason isn't the end of the world."

"Yeah... I don't really wanna talk about it." I stated exhausted. You know it's one thing when you get exhausted by someone ranting negative things about something and someone and one can conveniently avoid such an person to feel relieved but what do you do when it's you're mind that won't stop chattering about the seemingly illegal actions of you're heart, the way it so wrongly gave itself away to a person who doesn't even know of him having it. From the last few days, my answer was, try to endure it and busy yourself in something that wouldn't make you're heart ache and feel tormented by you're rational mind. And for sometime it worked.

"Asher, look he did say love you too, maybe there's still hope..." Ivara tried saying so as to console me. It had been around more than a week when I had said those heartfelt words and blamed them on a stupid dare. It hadn't been awkward to talk to Cas after that, we merely never acknowledged the event. But to say I felt disheartened, I didn't even know why, was pretty much the gist. He'd put a question mark in reply to my words, like what did I expect but I felt scared that I had weirded him out and played it as if I'd only done a dare whereas I hadn't.

"Even if he does, it'll end only badly Ivara, you know my parents, my dad is a self confessed homophobic person and will probably kill his own son. For my dad, being anything other than straight is a disease and my mom, she'll just have an heart attack or something if she found out and if not, her preconceptions are much stronger than her love for me, she'll never be able to accept." I said pulling at my hair helplessly.

"Hey hey, don't think so negatively of it" Ivara consoled me patting my back "okay let's just not talk about this, okay I wanna watch 17 again tonight, Faith's been gushing about it I don't know why and i feel curious regarding the plot, so will you watch it with me today."