god save our queen┊bae joohyun┊✔

four

   I couldn't stand it. This house was so dull. I was unable to stop my mind from lingering, thinking, even speculating, about my meeting with Irene and her little secret. I was unable to stop my heart from throbbing. I almost died. I was saved by a ghost of all people. What a sappy story I would never tell anyone. Who would have thought those damned YouTubers were right? Were there any other ghosts around? If so, where were they? Why was I able to see Irene only? There were so many questions that needed answers. It all felt too unbelievable, too unreal. Could this possibly happen to someone so miserable like me? What kind of messed up story is this? As I held tighter onto the flower crown Irene made me, I looked outside. I was back at square one. I was back at looking through the window, musing. I was still musing on my way downstairs, ignoring the side eye Patricia gave me. It became part of my daily routine. Before I knew, I was already seated, laughing along whatever bad joke my dad made. For once, it felt good to be so mundane. Unfortunately, my moment of bliss wasn't long-lived, as I sensed a retort was about to come from the other side of the table. "So where have you been all day?" Patricia asked, twirling around her glass. I didn't like her tone. Most of the time, she wasn't too concerned about my being. I would be surprised if she even knew my name. So why was she so interested in me all of a sudden?

"Where else could I have possibly been? I was outside." I squinted at her. "I went for a walk, exploring."

"Really now?" her smile wasn't a good sign. She brushed few of her blonde bangs away from her eyes. "Looks like your exploring went pretty well," she looked at the bruise on my exposed shoulder while taking a sip of wine, making me immediately pull the collar of my loose t-shirt up. How could I possibly forget about that?! I wasn't going to let Patricia of all people have the last word.

"If you're insinuating what I think you are – Shocking. I am truly stunned by the display of idiocy. If you know what that word even means." and that was the beginning of what one would call an utter disaster.

   So, there I was, passive-aggressively washing the dishes, muttering every curse word I could think off. Poor dishes, they didn't deserve that kind of abuse. "She loves you, y'know?" my father's sudden entrance scared me, making me drop a glass in the sink. I didn't say anything, I just waited for him to continue defending her. Just like he always did. "In her own peculiar way, she loves you." I turned around, an exasperated sigh leaving my lips.

"It's been four years, dad," I grumbled, sitting down beside him at the dinner table, holding his arm gently. "Four years and all she has done was yell and make assumptions about me." I could feel my voice cracking. I had enough of her insanity and obnoxious personality. The way she teased – even tried to make fun of me in front of him was the last drop. It may have come out of nowhere, but after what I went through that day. "I am tired..." I was able to tell my dad was mad. The way a vein popped out in his neck, the way he clenched his fists. It was too obvious. It was obvious he loved her more than me.

"Sweetie –"

"Don't 'sweetie' me, dad. That's all you've been doing these past years!" I stood up, feeling my cheeks get wet. I wasn't going to cry in front of him. "I know you love her, I really do, but just because you love her that doesn't mean I do too."

   I didn't stand around too much after that. I grabbed a hoodie and went outside. Just because I was depressed that didn't necessarily mean I also wanted hypothermia. It was pretty chilly outside after all. Soon after, I was sitting on the bench of our little wooden gazebo, just outside the forest, crying my eyes out for what seemed like hours for the third time that day. I knew, as soon as I touched my under eyes, I looked like a mess. Ignoring the fact that I almost died, I just had to go out of my way and ruin the whole day. I felt disgustingly miserable. The whole point of this trip was to stop feeling this way, yet there I was, bawling my eyes out.

"God, you are such a cry baby." a flush crept up my face as I became aware of Irene's presence. "You're way too loud. Just for how long exactly do you plan on crying?" she whined, blowing away the few strands that landed on her face.

   I winced. "Sorry my suffering is bothering you so much..." I whispered as I continued to sniffle. Irene was the last person I wanted to get mad. Who knew what kind of other freaky powers she had?

"You are either way too naive either trolling me," I could already see her adorable smile, even without lifting my head. "And guessing from the way your face lit up, I can assume it's the latter." she continued, pinching one of my cheeks. My smile soon faded as I grabbed her hand and placed it in her lap as soon as she sat beside me. I took my time while observing her. Her white dress was still dirty with grass, mud and flower petals. Instead of ruining the dress, it added to it. It was as if the dress was made for that exact reason, while her hair wasn't any better as it was a complete mess. A beautiful mess. Irene's blush took both of us by surprise. Her coffee-coloured eyes seemed to shine brighter than ever as the fairy lights surrounding us turned on, illuminating the dewy honeysuckles and jasmine attached to them. Everything about that moment was too ethereal in my mind. From the sparkly little stars shining up in the sky to that damned gazebo, it all felt perfect. It was so serene, so beautiful. It was the moment I waited so long for. In which I could forget about all of my worries. In which I felt happy.

"Do you ever just..." I sighed as a hand went through my hair. "Do you ever just cry because life sucks and everything is falling apart, but you know things are going to be fine eventually, but right now it's horrible and you don't want to –"

"Slow down." her voice was soft. When I said soft, I meant soft. It rang in my ears so flawlessly I stopped talking immediately just so I could enjoy it more. It was so silent I could hear my heartbeat. It was slow and calm. Just like our moment. "What happened?" she asked and I answered. I told her everything. From my parents' divorce to my recent fight with Patricia. All she did was listen.