what i wish i had said

part ii

"france? you're going back? this week?" i tried to keep the waterworks from pouring out with kiyoshi and hana standing in front of me outside of our favorite café as kiyoshi told us the news. it was the same one that the three of us have been going to since we were first-years; kiyo and me since the end of our 3rd year in middle school.

"pft! nice one, kiyo! did you actually believe we would fall for that?!" i looked over at hana to see her already tearing up, attempting to cover it up through her smile and laugh. all three of us knew this day would eventually come, since kiyoshi's life has been torn between japan and france. we were even lucky to have him around for the last months as seniors in high school. we just never knew when the day would come, and how all-of-a-sudden it would be.

i stared at him with the early january sunset as his backdrop. kiyoshi leclair-kitano, my closest friend, my palladium, my go-to comfort and advice giver (although i gave you more than you gave me, but that's what friends are for, right?) of four years, i had so many things i wanted to tell you at that moment, but couldn't.

"kiyoshi?" i called, making him change his glance from the floor over to me. he raised his eyebrows, expecting me to continue, "i... i never paid you back for that boba back in grade 9, actually," i slipped out, about to spill out everything i have felt since day one.

the two bursted out in laughter, kiyo being the one to speak first, due to hana still being an emotional mess. "are- are you actually serious?! that's what you're thinking about right now? you're amazingly ridiculous, natsu."

"well sorry then! i know i'm ridiculous, okay?" i spun around out of embarrassment. he really is leaving, isn't he?

"you've finally admitted it! after four years!" kiyo yelled so that we wouldn't notice his supposed "allergies."

the three of us were cry-laughing as the sun set and the stars began to speckle the darkening sky. we started to walk together through the neighborhood in silence, reminiscing on our memories at the numerous spots we've hung out at. through the window panes and dim lights, i could picture hana, kiyoshi, and i sitting at a booth at the ramen shop talking about our summer plans last year, kiyoshi and i arguing over whether or not karusuno would win the spring nationals in "haikyuu!!" at mcdonald's after school, and hana and i squealing over kittens at the cat café across from the park where our trio would have our annual fall picnic every november. in front of me, i saw hana and kiyoshi making fun of me in our first year of high school for mistaking our english teacher as hana earlier that day.

soon enough, we were outside the library. it was the home of our friendships— where kiyo and i became friends, where hana had met us during the spring break before our first year of high school— holding both our most memorable and our most bittersweet memories. we looked through the large glass window where there was a group of first years from our school trying to hold in their laughter, afraid of getting in trouble.

we looked at each other, knowing we were all thinking of the same things. the group reminded us of so many different moments from our time being together. i looked up at the deep blue night sky to keep myself from crying, only to glance to the side to see hana doing the same, with kiyo looking back and forth between us.

he jumped forward and turned around to get a clear view of our faces. "hanaaa! natsukiii! don't cry! it's no-"

"fucking hypocrite! can you see yourself right now?!" hana bawled with her puffy eyes. i saw that kiyo actually did expect her to react like that, since he was standing directly in front of her with a sad smile.

he placed his hand on her shoulder and continued with his speech, "i don't have a mirror, so no, i can't," he cheekily grinned, "and like i was about to say, it's not like we're never going to talk to each other again! you guys have been my friends for the longest out of my eighteen years of living, and i will never forget you nor take you for granted." kiyo stepped back to his original place between the two of us, then grasped our forearms, walking us away from the library.

"besides, it's not like leaving tonight, we still have tuesday, and wednesday, and thursday, aaand, you guys get it. i leave sunday morning," kiyo said and faced me, "let's enjoy our last week while we can." i smiled with obvious sadness and nodded in response, while we walked to the last block where we had to split up.

"night, guys," hana sighed, once we got to the end of the block.

"good night, hana. night, kiyo."

"see you guys tomorrow!"

the three of us looked at each other, then went our ways. if only it could stay this way forever.