How Many Lives Is Enough?

Chapter 8

Sam and Alex were thrown back by the force of the memories suddenly blasted into their brains. There were too many emotions going through their heads for them to think about anything. After they’d lain there for a while with heaving chests, Sam saw Alex secretly checking her back for wings. As it was, she didn’t even have a body, let alone wings, so it was quite strange for her to be ‘looking back’. She’d have laughed at the sight, if she wasn’t feeling that same urge. It was getting harder to separate all of their memories, and different lives, and most of all: the past and the present.

“So,” Sam began, “fairies, eh?”

“Yeah. Fairies.” A heavy silence settled over the room. There was so much to talk about, yet neither of them knew what to say.

“At least now we know why we’re doing - all of this. Or, rather, how we got into this mess in the first place. Because I’m not so sure I understand what we’re doing anymore.” Sam told her wife.

Alex turned to face her, looking perplexed. “What do you mean? We’re still trying to get all of our memories back.”

“But why? This isn’t what we wished for, is it?” Sam exclaimed. “We just - we were just trying not to get separated. I really don’t think we wanted to be immortal. And now we’re separated all the time. It never ends.”

Sam was breathing more rapidly again. All of these memories were truly messing with her head. And there were so many more of them. She looked down the long, long hallway and all she could see were paintings everywhere. She couldn’t even see the machine from here, the hall was too long. And now it was all coming closer, everything coming for her, or maybe she was getting sucked in, she wasn’t sure, but it was all becoming way too much for her to handle.

“Ssshh, it’s alright, I’ve got you.” There was Alex, wrapping her arms around her girlfriend, holding her tight, but not too tight, to leave her room for breathing. She turned Sam’s head towards her, and looked deep into her eyes. “Breathe, honey. Breathe deeply, and slowly.”

The breathing worked. Slowly, Sam could feel the panic retreating until she could think freely once again.

“I’m really sorry to rush you, but we should get going,” Alex told her gently. She got up and extended her hand to her wife to help her stand. Sam took it gratefully, and didn’t let it go when she was upright.

“I know, but there’s one more thing,” Sam said, “what about the shadows? Aren’t they, like, still inside of us?” Her voice turned into a whisper as if she was too afraid to voice the thought even here, where there was nothing but them.

“I don’t know, honey,” Alex admitted, “and I’m pretty sure there’s no way to know unless we get this machine working. Look at this beautiful machine that we’ve spent ages trying to get to work, and now we’re almost there,” she said, gesturing down the hall. “If we’ve been doing this for so long, it must be worth it, right? As for being separated, as soon as we have these memories, we’ll never be separated again. Alright? Because I’m sure that as long as I remember you, or even the tiniest thing about you, I will never stop looking until I find you. Do you get that, honey? I will find you in any world.”

Sam would be lying if she said she didn’t cry at least a little then.

“Do you trust me?” Alex asked her.

That was the one question she didn’t even have to think about. “Of course.”

“Then let’s go.”

And so they went. They ran down the entire hall, which took so long that when they finally got to the machine, there were only 30 seconds left to their next life. But they knew now that it would be nothing like the last ones. Because this time, they would remember. And they would find each other.

They put their hands on the lever, and together, they pushed it down. And then they were born.