Help Me Close My Eyes

9 ~ when i dream.

"I'm not sure," he replies. "I heard it in a diner once at like three in the morning."

I raise an eyebrow. "What were you doing in a diner at 3 in the morning?"

"Selling drugs," he replies. I look at him wide-eyed, unsure of how to respond. "That was a joke," he says.

"Oh," I reply.

"Is that really what you think of me?" he asks after a few moments of silence.

"What?"

"That I'm some kind of hardened criminal, drug dealer, gang member?"

"No, of course not," I reply. "Well, actually, I guess I don't know..."

"What do you mean?" he asks. He looks at me, and I focus my attention out the passenger side window and swallow the lump in my throat before speaking.

"It's just.. I don't really know what I'm supposed to think of you. We don't even know each other. I mean, I'm sure I'm not exactly how you pictured me."

"No, definitely not," he replies, and I have to stifle my anger at the smug look on his face.

I roll my eyes and release a sigh. "I just meant that we're both going through this. We're both disappointed; we're both confused, and we're both scared, right?"

"You're not wrong."

"I just think that we should cut each other some slack, alright? We're never gonna get through this if we're at each other's throats all the time."

He doesn't answer, so I reach up and turn the volume knob up high enough to drown out the awkward silence.

I guess you're doing alright
I don't hear from you like I used to do
I never really thought I'd get through it
I'm still here, without you

Suddenly, he reaches out and turns the music back down. I'm about to ask why when he speaks. "I was in a diner at 3 am because my girlfriend broke up with me, and she asked me to give her some time to get her stuff out of the house."

"Oh..." I say. "You didn't have to -"

"No, it's okay," he says before continuing. "You're wearing her clothes; you might as well know, right?"

I look down at my folded hands. "What happened?"

"She uh.." His hands grip the steering wheel tightly. As he does so, the music on the radio turns to garbled static for a moment before becoming clear again. "I told her about the dreams, and she couldn't handle it," he finishes.

I raise my eyebrows in disbelief. "You actually told her?"

He scrunches his own eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean? You've had boyfriends before, haven't you?"

"Not like that," I reply, sinking a little lower in my seat and wrapping my arms around myself. "I can't even imagine being that close to someone," I say. It's a realization that I hadn't had until this very moment. I don't even know what it feels like to want to share something that personal with someone. I can't even fathom what it must feel like to be that close with someone and have them walk away. "I'm sorry; I know things ending like that couldn't have been easy on you."

"Yeah, well. It was a long time ago anyway. Besides, look at us, on the run from God knows who, chasing down answers about our would-be reincarnations. Maybe she was right to get out when she did."

I can see on his face that he doesn't mean it. No matter what he felt when she left or how much time has passed, she still means a lot to him. It's obvious just in the fact that he kept her things: he really loved her.

I look at him until I know he feels my gaze. Finally he turns to face me, and I look directly into his eyes. Typically when I make eye contact with someone, it's passive, simply a response, but this time I look hard, purposefully. "She wasn't," I say.

It's another second before he finally rips his gaze away from mine to focus his attention back to the road. I can hear the music drifting in again, and I can't tell if it stopped while our eyes met or if I just couldn't notice it.

"Yeah, well, I guess we'll see," he says, an easy smile settling on his face. "Listen, I know you didn't get much sleep last night and we've been driving for a while. You can sleep if you want."

He's right, my body feels a bit sluggish. I know I'm exhausted, but for the first time in a long time, I don't want to sleep. "No, that's okay," I reply.

"Are you sure? It's not like you're gonna miss me, I'll probably be there."

I let out a short laugh. "No, it's not that, it's just.." I tuck my hair behind my ear. "I already know dream you pretty well. I'd rather stay up and get to know the real you, if that's okay?"

Liam turns his head and looks at me, his lips just barely parted as though he's not sure just how to react.

"Um, yeah, he replies. "Sure that's fine," he finishes with a smile.