Confused

Chapter 18

Boring, so so boring!!! I'm currently in class trying not to fall asleep listening to the dull voice of the Minotaur. 

The weekend has passed way too fast to my liking. Also, the fact of being back in class after all the events that had taken place during our short break, make lessons seem even duller than usual. Like, how can I listen to the stuff that I already know by heart?

After a couple of minutes, doing my best to listen to the lecture of our professor, my mind slowly began to drift off, thinking about the person I love the most in the universe: Simon bloody Snow.

Fortunately for me, I have this class with him so it brightens my current bored and annoyed mood a bit. Just looking at the sun playing different shades of gold in his wonderful bronze curls help me to regain energy.

While I admire him, I slowly began to think about the weekend events.  Crowley, they have been pretty embarrassing for me.

I remember that after my escape from our dorm, I had done my best to avoid Simon all day. I couldn't dare to face him without breaking down and this wasn't a sight I wished him to have of me.

Basically, I had passed the entire day down in the darkness and the security of the Catacombs. That place is kind of the only one where I can be my true self without worrying about other people stares.

To enlighten this already magnificent day, the exclusive thing I had eaten that day were rats. Let me tell you that didn't help to make me feel better about the monster I thought and still think I am.

At what I had assumed was probably the end of the day, I had started to think that I should soon go back to the Mummer's house.

Strangely, even if I knew I had to I didn't even make a move toward the stairs that would have led me upward in the fresh air of the night. Instead, I just had stayed there in a corner of the large room grieving about the way I was.

I didn't even have the sanity that night to care if Simon would be worried about me.

I was in so much pain that night that it was probably the reason of why I didn't hear Simon entering the Catacombs room in which I was.  I  only noticed him when he had said my name. "Baz". He had pronounced this simple word with so much love and relief that it's had calm me down a bit but not for long, because the guilt and the shame of myself were stronger than the feeling of security I had felt.

At that instant, I had thought that I didn't deserve Simon gentleness and unconditional love. Someone like me doesn't deserve those things.

I  tried to push him away and instead of listening to me he had stayed there. He even had discovered my dirtiest secret, assisted to my mental breakdown and he had seen me at my most weak form.

  He didn't run away. During all those moments, he had hanged through all this without once leaving my side. He had said to me kind and sweet words, filled with love, trying to comfort me at his best.

After some time being held by him gently, I had success to calm down so he had been able to lead me all the way up toward our dorm.

Once there he hadn't left my side either. He even slept with me that night, cuddling like we had done the previous night.

That night I had fallen asleep knowing that I would always be insecurity in those strong and loving arms( yeah I know I sound like and high school girl but this is the way I had felt).

The next day, Sunday had been pretty relaxing. We had spent the complete day playing some board games, sleeping, talking to each other and eating the food supplies I had hidden in our room, kissing a bit( ok a lot but well that a little detail). We had been going down just for the breakfast and during all the times I could help but stare at him like usual. The only difference was that he stared back, not with a look of disgust and hatred that he normally gave me, but with a loving and caring one.