Falling Sky

Chapter 24

Skylar's POV

       I really wanted to look pretty today. The past three months have been so hard. I was stuck in a group home. Where we had group therapy and I didn't feel alone. They understood me. Half of those people didn't even like me but they understood me in ways my friends didn't. It was like taking in a breath of fresh air.

      I stopped feeling like I was suffocating. I was released from the inpatient hospital a couple of days ago after I promised I would go see doctor Kennedy again. Leo's mom. I stared at myself in the mirror. I had on a jean button up shirt. And the pants Leo loved. I was never the type to wear heels so I just put on my black combat boots.

    I no longer had my long hair. I'd cut it. Which was bad at first. It was uneven and crooked. It was still bad in the beginning. At the beginning my time there. It was bad. I hated everything. I was mad all the time and I never spoke. To anyone about anything. I kind of stared at nothing a lot. Whenever someone tried to speak I'd rudely walk away.

    When I was allowed to have visitors only Shawn showed up. I still couldn't have my phone. So no one knew. Or maybe they did. Maybe they just didn't want to see me. But that was okay and I didn't need to know the answer. I'm good now. With not being able to control things that are out of my control. At least I'm working on it.

My hair was in waves and it fell little above my shoulders. I sighed as I continued to look in the mirror. I'd lost a lot of weight while I was away too. I was bored a lot and I spent a lot of time in the recreation center. Either punching a punching bag or just plain exercise. My body looked really good now.

    I've been keeping up with it. Or at least trying to. And I've been eating better. Focusing on me and what makes me happy.

  Leo did. At least I felt happy when he was around and I know that I didn't leave on the best terms and he never replied to my call. But I decided that that was behind me and I was ready to face the world again. I was panicking the past couple of days though. Contemplating if I should just move.

    My brother Shawn said we could. But I told him I didn't want to. That I wanted to try here. At home. Because this was home. It just so happens that it will be very hard fixing the all the relationships I screwed up. I have amends to make. I have people I need to apologize to.

Running my hands through my hair a couple of times to loosen up my waves. After adding some chapstick to my lips I was ready to face the world I suppose.

    My brother cleaned my room. He tried to replace some of things I had broken. And I'm not saying that after three months that I'm not sad anymore. Because I am. Even still. I'm supposed to be taking it one day at a time. Dealing with my bullshit as I go. My issues. Not bullshit. I matter. At least that's what I've been told. I've been told to change my story.

   I'm sixteen years old but it feels like I'm in chapter one. From the beginning. I don't know what I want. I don't know who I was. I wish I could go back to me before the heartbreak. Before my mom died. But I can't. And I don't think she'd be proud of who I was after her. I was a shell. An empty shell felt with too many emotions that I didn't feel any.

     I was feeling so much. Too much and I felt it everywhere. I was numb because of it. I couldn't let Leo in even if I wanted to. I would've always shoved him back out. I don't like being vulnerable. I was absolutely terrified of how easily it was to show him pieces of me. He wasn't scared of my dark side. He wanted me.

I didn't know if I wanted him. I didn't understand what he wanted from me. Or how I could give that to him. I had to start this journey alone and no one could help me. No one could save me and that's what he wanted. I didn't want to be saved I wanted it to end. There was difference.