Miss Marauder //A Marauder's Era/Harry Potter Fanfiction\\ ON HIATUS

Chapter 23

"I don't trust you," said Remus, looking me dead in the eye. My heart sunk so deep I thought it might have come out inside my shoe. "I'm looking at you, and I just... I'm just wondering if there's anything else you're keeping from me."

"There isn't, I promise," I said quietly, almost a whisper, "and I know that doesn't mean a lot right now, but I promise you there isn't." I blinked heavily, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to appear - not totally sure how much longer I could keep them in for, if I'm honest. It was cold by the lake, and my hands were scrunched up in a ball on my lap to stop my fingers from freezing off. All of my serious conversations with people seem to happen here for some reason, and the icy winds were making me regret that, for sure.

"You're right, that doesn't mean anything to me."

I let out a small whimper instead of tears as I withheld from crying - not sure if whimpering was a better result. Seems more pathetic, in a way.

"What other secrets would I even have to keep from you, Remmie?"

He let out a laugh. I hated it. It wasn't his usual, happy laugh - this one was hollow. And horrible. "Goodness knows - maybe you have a secret Slytherin boyfriend I don't know about? Maybe you have a whole line of them waiting outside the Shrieking Shack when I'm not there? Merlin, maybe you're even a Death Eater! How would I know?" He got to his feet and left me in the spot where we were sitting up against a tree, to go and stand looking out across the lake.

"You - you honestly think I could be a Death Eater?" I choked - I didn't even realise I had started crying. "I'm not evil, Remus. You know who I am."

He turned his head to look at me, and for a moment I thought I might have seen a flash of regret behind his eyes - but it was gone so quick, I wasn't even sure if that was what I had seen. As soon as it had appeared, it was replaced with a dark, cold and almost empty look.

"Who knows, Maisie? Maybe I didn't even know the real you in the first place because from where I'm standing, this is the real you."

If my heart wasn't broken, it sure was now.

"Well you're right about one thing, at least, this is the real me," I sniffled, my eyes so blurry I could only just make out his silhouette. "Sitting before you right now, is the real me. Heartbroken, confused, full of regret and love for you, and most of all - so so sorry." I hung my head, watching my hot tears drop down on to my numb fingers fastened together.

I sat there in silence for a few minutes anticipating his reply, but as I finally raised my head, I realised he had gone.

*

"Wait," said James, looking up from his Charms essay and frowning, "what day is it?"

"Monday," said Sirius, warming his hands by the common room fireplace.

"No, idiot, I meant what date," sighed James, rolling his eyes.

I cracked open one of my eyes, having been rudely awoken from the nap I was having on the couch. "You didn't say that," I pointed out, "you said 'day'."

"Who asked you to get involved?" grinned James, chucking a pillow at me. "Fine, what date is it today?"

"December twentieth," said Peter. I opened my eyes fully, and looked around. Remus was not here, but that wasn't a surprise - he had been avoiding me for a couple weeks now. And yes, it was eating me up inside. I didn't even know if we were still together.

"Yes!" James fist pumped the air. "That means we go home for Christmas next week!"

I swallowed down a lump in my throat and closed my eyes again, wishing I was still asleep. All the thought of Christmas brings me at the moment is the happy memories from being with Remus last year - happy memories which are now tainted with the possibility of my relationship being over.