When I woke up, I was in the hospital. I hate hospitals. Everytime I’m in there, I can’t help but think, People die here everyday. You can’t help but wonder when your time is going to be. So when I heard the steady beep of the machine, I inwardly groaned.
Apparently it wasn’t very inward. “Honey, are you awake?” I heard Mom say. I attempted to open my eyes but groaned again when the excruciatingly bright light hit. “Sorry, sorry, hold on.” She was quiet for a second. “There, the light’s off. You can open your eyes now.” I did as she said, and inspected my surroundings. It was a typical hospital room, including a bed, tv, and a small bathroom near the door. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. Can’t they make these things any different? Where’s the creativity? “How’re you feeling?” My mom’s face was laced with concern.
“Tired. My head’s killing me,” I said as I finally acknowledged the pain throbbing at the side of my head.
“Do you remember what happened?”
“I was at school. That’s all I remember.” I hated when my mother was this worried about me. It made me think about the future when I finally blacked out for good. What was she going to do then? I pushed the thought out of my head. I didn’t wanna worry about that.
Just then, the doctor walked in. She smiled at me as she checked my vitals. “You gave us quite a scare there Jess. Do you remember what happened?” I was really good friends with Dr. Jennings, so I allowed her to call me Jess.
I shook my head. “Stress again?” I’d had struggles with stressing too much plenty of times before.
She nodded. “Partly. There’s good news and bad news. Which do you want first?”
I sighed. “Bad,” I braced myself for the coming news. It had to be bad for Dr. Jennings to call it bad.
“Well, the tumor has grown.” I stared at her. That’s it? It’s been growing for the past year. “I know what you’re thinking, but it’s not the usual little. The tumor has doubled in size.”
Oh.
I saw my mom bury her head in her hands. It pained me to know I was the cause of her worries. She shouldn’t have to worry about this. Yet, her faith in this “God” still existed. It baffled me beyond measure, but I kept my mouth shut.
I tried to lighten the mood. “And the good news?”
“We’ve switched you to a new medicine that is proven to work with your type of cancer, even at this late stage.” Well that was good news at least. I smiled at her. She knew my thoughts on dying and the whole concept of a superior being.
It’s not that I was scared of dying. Death doesn’t scare me. The thing I was scared of most was pain. I didn’t know how painful dying was gonna be, but I was not up for a whole few hours of agony before they pull the plug type of deal. I’d rather them kill me.
“You’ll be staying here for a few days, then transferred home where you’ll be in bed for a few weeks.” I nodded in agreement, then stopped.
“Mom, what day is it?”
“Friday, why?” My eyes widened. Nathan. We were supposed to have lunch together. He had probably heard what happened to me, but I wanted to make sure.
I grabbed my phone and sure enough, condolences and sympathies had flooded in from social media and through my texts, but I wasn’t worried about those right now. I scrolled down to Nathan’s text:
Hey Jess, I heard what happened. It sucks. I guess you won’t be coming back to school now, huh? That’s too bad. Maybe we can have lunch or something on a weekend. I visited you, while you were still unconscious. I couldn’t see you, but there’s a card I left. Make sure you get it. Just text me when you get out of the hospital; tell me how you’re doing.
I smiled. I’ve never had anyone care that much before. I shot him a quick text saying I was fine, and going home in a few days. I purposely avoided the school topic, because I still wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I wasn’t even sure I could go back to school. I laid back and realized how tired I actually was.
“Get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up,” My mom said. I mumbled something in response before I was out like a light.
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When I awoke again, it was dark out. I looked over to my mom sleeping in one of the chairs in my hospital room. That had to be uncomfortable. I sighed and turned on the tv, careful to keep the volume low. I rolled my eyes as I flipped past all the “reality” shows. They’re about as real as Dolly Parton’s boobs.
When I couldn’t find anything interesting, I turned the tv off. I sighed again, thinking about what to do next. I decided on checking my messages that I had previously ignored. They were all the same. “We’re praying for you.” Or ”Hope you feel better soon!” They were the same everytime I got put back in the hospital. I groaned and put my phone away. Was I really gonna be this bored until morning?
Answer: Nope.
I grabbed my laptop and eagerly opened Netflix. After thinking long and hard about my decision (2 seconds), I knew what I was going to watch.
And so from midnight to 6:00am, I watched Supernatural.
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When Mom woke up and saw me sitting there crying, she went into panic mode. “Honey, what’s wrong?! Nurse!”
“NO MOM STOP IT’S JUST SAMMY!” I yelled in attempt to calm her down. She immediately understood, and her look changed from worried to extremely annoyed.
“Haven’t you had enough of that show?” Obviously, she didn’t understand my love for the two boys.
“No, Mother, I will never have enough of this show.” She rolled her eyes, but before she could respond, Dr. Jennings walked in. That was odd, considering she had weekends off.
She must’ve seen my puzzled look, because she began explaining. “I didn’t want anyone else handling you while you’re still here. I’ll take my days off after you go home.”
This was why I loved her. “Are you sure? You realize that it’s not that hard to change my medicine bags,” I pointed out.
“If that were the case, I would’ve stayed home. But I wanna see how this new medication is taking to your cancer, and to be here if anything happens. It’s not a big deal Jess, don’t worry about it. You have enough on your plate as it is.” I knew better than to argue with her, so I just nodded. I was really tired from my Supernatural marathon, and both the adults in the room could tell.
“Jessi, baby, go to sleep. We’re not going anywhere.” My mother said gently. I didn’t want her to stay. She had a lot to worry about at work.
“No, Mom, you need to go get your stuff done. Go on, I’ll be fine.” She still didn’t look convinced, but Dr. Jennings came to my rescue.
“She’s right. She’s in good hands. Go take care of what you need to get done. She’ll be right here when you return,” with that, my mother reluctantly nodded and left. Dr. Jennings smiled at me. “Get some rest. Sleep-“
“Yeah, yeah, sleep fights cancer.” She smiled again, and left the room. I took that opportunity to close my eyes for some well needed rest.
