My Self Harm Story....(trigger warning)

My Self Harm Story....

So....

My name is Braedon Micheal Andrews. 

And....

This is my self harm story.

So..this is my story.For anyone who..is thinking about self harming or does self harm...And...my thoughts on it and from the day i started to the day i stopped..so...here we go..

So the..reason im doing this is because i got an inbox asking me....why i self harm and she told me her story and told me that she too...self harms and it..it broke my heart because she is 12.....and i honestly hope that if you are reading this....you understand that i hope you get better....And this...is my story.

So...i was 14 when i started...i remember it perfectly....it was febuary 14th 2011.....and i was....terrifyed...i disassembled my shaving razor...and i...looked into the mirror and listed the reasons why i was going to cut and i told myself once i started....i may never stop...i knew what i was doing and...i cut...a short thin line across my left wrist....and it.....it stung and it bled and i freaked out because i never did anything like that before and it really...freaked me out....but once i calmed myself...i made another slit....and another.....and another.....and another.....and another....in all i made 9 cuts. 5 on my left wrist and 4 on my right. And i....i will never forget that....i pulled on a hoodie and went to bed and the next day...i tried to keep my wrist away from anything that would bump me hard and would make them hurt....i cut almost everyday...and repeated the same steps.....i looked in the mirror.....listed why i would be cutting.....and then would say a reason every time i made a slit....and honestly it...it scared me because every cut would slowly be deeper and deeper...and one night... june 4th 2012 i...i cut into a vein....on accident....i was so scared...i got dizzy...i passed out...and i woke up on the bathroom floor in a puddle of blood and tears because i cried when i hit my vein...i cleaned up and bandaged my cut...but....i kept cutting...deeply and it...it totally just....messed with my head....and on November 12th 2012 i started cutting my thighs......i made small little tick lick marks and they scattered my thighs....and they got deeper and deeper just like my arms and they got longer and bigger and that always did and i never wore anything other than hoodies and jeans or hoodies and sweat pants. and i was also battling anorexia....so i rarly ate and when i did...i puked it back up right after.....and on December 4th 2013 i weighed myself...i was...76 pounds exact...but i told myself it wasnt enough....so i stopped eating....at all...i only drank water...a.nd i was still cuttign deeper and deeper on my arms and my thighs......and my arms and my legs were always small but i only saw fat....and i had a thigh gap...and i tried to hide it so no on knew....so  no one worried about me....i tried hard to keep myself out of the hospital...and i had tried to commit 2 times...but both i never admitted i tried..i always told myself it was an accident.... um...on january 14th 2014 i tried to commit...and i tried again march 3rd.....and again july 12th...and again a month ago.....and i am...i am better...today august 30th 2014...i went to rehab on august 2nd 2014....i signed myself in...i gave them my razors...i went mostly offline...i started eating normally and i stopped cutting and im getting over depression...and i havent cut since august 2nd 2014....i am now 113 pounds....so my thigh gap is mostly gone......i cant see my ribs which makes me happy....i was bullied and i still am but i will post a chapter on that another day.....anyway i just wanna say this to anyone else who is thinking about self harm or does self harm...

Self harm isnt...funny..it isnt a joke.Self harm is a mental and physical disease...it is a battle and it is hard to concor.I self harmed for almost 4 years...and it was a true battle for me...it only gets worse and all i can say is talk to someone...never cut...i battle self harm and anorexia and my thoughts daily and i cant tell you how many times i wished i was dead...how many times i tried to make that wish come tre...how many razors i used...how many razors i had...i am getting better but it will take time and patience...it is truly terrible knowing that there are hundeds or thousands of teens battling depression and cutting and self harm and anorexia and eating disorders and so many things and it breaks me knowing that i got better but so many others wont...they wont even try and it is terrible knowing how hard it was for me and how hard is honestly is and its just....its terrible and im not fully better and i know i never will be the same as before but i will try hard and i need all of you to promise...you will try...inbox me talk to me im always here for you.I love you all. Thank you.Comment and let me know...pm me your story.....please....thanks guys...bye!