only you [jihan/지한]

ღ

read in dark mode! thank you!

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It's finally the end of college. I'm finally free.

I miss him.. I wonder if he's looking for me, I'm looking for him right now. But where will you be, Joshua? Standing here, feeling empty, what am I going to do without you?

Tonight, I'm attending a colleague's 'end of semester' pool party. Sounds super boring. But it's surely something I have to do, in order to get rid of my depression. Like it's ever going to disappear. 

Jeonghan looked down in the pool of chlorine, feeling blue.

Suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up. It was Joshua. He was wearing blue ripped jeans, a plain brown shirt, and a smile. He sat next to Jeonghan closely, with that look in his eyes. He felt like it wasn't real. Is this real? 

"Joshua.." Jeonghan said, almost wanting to cry. "I missed you.. And I'm sorry. I really am." Joshua pulled Jeonghan into a hug, he just laughs. 

"Why would you go to this party, feeling sad?" Joshua asked.

Feeling empty, Jeonghan shakes his head. "I don't know, Joshua. I really don't know." He said with a soft tone. He smiles slightly, feeling Joshua's body warmth. "You know-" Joshua said, making Jeonghan looking back up to him. "I never disappeared. I never quit college. I never left this country or anything." He takes a deep breath. "Most importantly, I've never forgotten you. I just.. never said anything." 

He smiled smiled. "I love you, Jeonghan." He said before he kissed Jeonghan's cheek. "I'll always be with you, you know that. I will never forget our memories, our past, our future, and I'll never forget this day. You have always been my happiness, and will forever be mine." He stopped, and looked down. "It's just.. I can't date you right now, or ever. You'll be hurt, once you finally know. And that day will be soon. I'll never forget you, Jeonghan, I promise."

Joshua gave Jeonghan one last hug, and walked away. 

Jeonghan broke down into tears. He looked back, and Joshua was gone. Where did he go? he wondered. 

Finally seeing him in person, is like seeing the bright sky and rainbow appearing after a long-lasting rainstorm. But.. where will you be, Joshua? When can I see you again? Days? Weeks? Months? Years? I'll wait for you, I promise. 

Years later, Jeonghan still hasn't moved on. But his health was better, his depression is gone too, and he made more friends. He's now working at a coffee shop, and lives in a big apartment alongside his eleven crazy friends. 

Joshua has always wanted Jeonghan to be happier, and to follow his own dreams. That's what he's doing right now. Sometimes.. when he stargazes during the night, Joshua will always be there with him. 

Everywhere Jeonghan goes, he's also there.. Whether in Heaven, in the moon, or with him. 

-- note below--

Jeonghan. It's me Joshua. 

I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for being the happiest guy on earth, even if I'm not physically with you. And of course, thank you for taking care of our crazy friends! But most importantly, thank you for not giving up. Your dreams, your passion, your interests. 

It's hard, knowing that we're both in different worlds, different places. But we need to keep moving on with our lives, okay? Let's both stay strong, and never forget our promises. Find someone new, and make a great family. I'd love to see you as a father.

I love you, Jeonghan. Never forget me.