crybaby | lil peep

cracking a smile while i cut myself

Allura's pov

"It's not a big deal." I rolled my eyes and pushed my way through them. I ran outside to the car and they followed behind me.

"I mean, you do find him attractive. So it is a big deal." Gracie taunted.

"I don't think I'm even ready to be in another relationship with anyone. And you guys know why.." the car got silent.

"Carlos will rot in hell for what he did to you, Allura." angelica growled under her breath. She was the most angry out of everyone, considering that Carlos was her big brother. She blamed herself for what he did, even though it wasn't her fault whatsoever.

"Let's stop being sad. We are going to have a good ass night. Aight?" Karla spoke up after some time. We all nodded. I love these bitches.

About ten minutes later, we arrived at a different location then the last time we hung out with the guys. The four of us walked out of the car and into the apartment complex, following Gracie since she knew where she was going. We got to the tenth floor and walked to room 121 and Gracie knocked on the door.

I expected Goth to answer the door, but an unfamiliar guy opened it and looked us up and down, biting his lip.

"And you must be the girls Goth and w were talking about." He winked and studied my face.

"Yeah, we are. and you are?" Angelica spoke up. I could tell in her expressions that she felt uneasy.

"Fishnarc." He responded slightly and opened the door some more so we could walk in. Gracie made her way to Goth, Angelica was already sitting on Tracys lap and Karla was talking to Nate, pouring some drinks.

I stood in the doorway, glancing around the room. I made eye contact with Gus and he smiled, motioning me to go sit with him.

"Was up, ma?" He smiled as I occupied the once empty spot next to him. I returned the smile.

"Nothin much. I heard about you and that Layla girl. Sorry shit didn't work out." I sympathized with him.

"Eh, fuck her. I'm not goin to let her get to me. but thanks anyways." He brushed off my comment and continued to roll a blunt.

"You look cute tonight, ma." He commented, not taking his eyes off the blunt, sealing it with his tongue. He lit it eventually and turned to me, blowing the smoke in my face.

"Same to you, Gus." I rolled my eyes and took the blunt from his grasp, hitting it and blowing the smoke back into his face. He stared dead at me, not saying a word. just staring.

"What? Is there sum on my face?" I began to rub my hands around my face, trying to see what he was looking at.

"Nah, I'm just tryna figure you out. I can see pain in your eyes. I wanna hear your story." He replied with the same blank expression on his face, not taking his eyes off me.

"Well, it started the minute I was born. My father left before my mom was a few weeks pregnant with me. My mom was a great mom, never let me or Gracie out of her sight. She got diagnosed with terminal brain cancer when I was seven. She ended up dying a year and a half later. My entire family lives in France and they wanted nothing to do with me. So Gracie and I were in and out of foster homes- some abusive- up until I turned sixteen and Gracie turned eighteen. She bought an apartment and we moved there. Then we met our two best friends, Angelica and Karla. I started dating Angelicas brother, at first it was great. I felt like I finally had closure. But then he started getting angry. Really angry. He did things I don't wanna even think about. He ended up getting locked up. Here I am, two years later. Just a fucked up body. Nun much to me." I sighed. I never had opened up to someone like that.

Gus didn't say anything. He just stared into my eyes. He suddenly pulled me into a hug and he didn't let me go.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Allura. I can't even wrap my head around that." He whispered into my ear and I laid my head on his shoulder.