May 28, 2014
Well this is it, the last day I have to see any of these people ever again. Honestly I couldnt believe I survived the year with all of the bullying I had been getting througout the year. To be honest, I was mad, upset and tired all at the same time but I didnt exactly know why, I think I was just ready to get it over and done with so I could move on with my life and never see any of those people ever again, but there were still gonna be some people I was going to miss, some more than others. But I knew Ocean High was going to have some people who I didnt like either but hopefully it was gonna be better than Centuriom and Bus 268, who am I kidding, of course it was going to be better than the dungeon I rode to and back from school every morning and afternoon! Thats actually where I am right now, right outside of the Ocean High campus and we were about to pick up Caine. Oh Caine, where do I even begin with you. He was the puerto-rican bad boy/tech geek/amazing drawer, guitarist, singer, and voiceover guy I had ever met. And I've got to hand it to him, his hair was pretty cute, he had cut it so it shaved up the sides but he had a little swish every time he turned his head. But I sware he had teased me, confused me, and broke me in every way possible... Man if only I could punch him, yell at him at the very least. I cant believe I ever liked that dude! Who was I kidding!?! So many bad choices were made this year that if I had a dollar for evey bad choice I made this year, Id be richer than Bill Gates. But enough of that now, I was in clothes I had just thrown on this morning and I looked awful, my hair was a mess, I ran out of makeup this morning, and I had a heavy garment bag containing my show choir dress and shoes which I was going to return for the last time, thank God! I was wearing a black and silver t-shirt and everyone else was wearing pretty dresses and skirts. I had my Ipod and my headphones in my ears in full blast. The song that was playing was "Ignorance" by Paramore. It was the only song that really set the mood I was in. I was sitting there with my hair blocking the side of my face that was shown by the person in the seat next to me, but there wasnt anyone there so I guess it didnt matter but I just wanted to be left alone and just have one morning where I wasnt teased, thats all I wanted. I was sitting there with my knees up on my chest and my head against the back of the seat, mouthing the words to the song.
And this is the best thing that couldve happened, any longer and I wouldnt have made it.
Man those were the words that described this year, the only difference is I did make it. All of a sudden I hear this burst of laughter from the back of the bus, I didn't even have to look to know who they are, Veronica (the little twerp that teased me for no reason), Rachel (the stereotypical white girl/cheerleader with the most annoying voice you will ever hear in your life), and Liz (the ginger who stabbed me in the back so many times I dont know how im still alive.) The three girls who almost ruined my life forever, but thats another story. Caine hung out with them a lot, and I mean A LOT. Even though Liz was his 7th grade ex-girlfriend, Rachel was the one who hooked them up, and Veronica... well she was just plain rude, it was her way or the highway for anyone she didnt like. It doesnt make sense to me. And me? Well, my name is Marie. The quiet girl with long wavy brown hair with black rimmed glasses. The five of us used to be like a clique, until I got kicked out. I guess I got too annoying or something, I still dont even know. That doesnt matter anymore. Caine was walking up the steps to the bus when I was secretly praying to God that he wouldnt sit next to me, there were plenty of seats in the back, and he doesnt like me anyway, correction, he HATED me. But what does he do? He sits in the seat next to me.
Seriously Caine! Seriously!
With my perefrial vision I can see him drawing (of course he's drawing, what else would he be doing), but he's facing me, weird. I didnt like what he was up to, and trust me I knew he was up to something. We were at a construstion site and across the street was another bus stop. I had been playing "Ignorance" over and over again and between us was just silence, just the way I liked it. Finally he motioned me over to tell me something, I roll my eyes and take out one earbud.
"Dont talk to me in 7th period."
"I wasnt planning on it." I reply in a more angry tome than I expected.
"Oh okay." he says surprised, than turns back around.
I feel like I needed to say something, we had been fueding all year and this was my chance to tell him something I wanted to stick in his brain and make him feel sorry. He had apologized a few weeks back but I was still pissed. I wanted to cry so bad, but I didnt want him to yell at me saying how overly emotional I was.
Im sorry, for everything.
The words kept circling in my head and I was wondering if they were real or fake, I couldnt tell anymore. Finally I almost yell out at him
"I hope you're happy now, I really do."
He looks at me confused but amazed and apologetic as I gather my garment bag and use it as sonething to hold on to, waiting for the impact. We start to have a conversation as he starts actually telling me something, the truth. He tells me he wishes he hadn't gone up to discipline for witness reports, every time he mentions it, I apologize. He said he would forgive me, on one condition. The time I was supposed to listen, the buses engine roars louder than ever before. Over time I think I forgot it. My mind was just trying to process the fact that finally he was telling me the truth. After all this time, he was telling me the truth. But then the conversation got a little more deep than I had expected.
"See, everything that happened, I felt like no one cared anymore and last night my dad told me he didnt care anymore. So I ran into my room, grabbed my razor and made the cuts and I grabbed my belt while I was sobbing but something stopped me as I tied the knot. But I was so close to-"
"Killing yourself?" He finished my sentence.
"How did you know?" I asked.
"You think you're the only one who's suicidal?"
There was a long pause of silence as we just sat there, doing absolutly nothing except being still and silent. About ten seconds later, the silence broke and we started talking again.
"Im sorry for turning into someone who I didnt want to become, it was wrong of me and im sorry."
"Its cool." He tells me.
We start talking about Veronica, Rachel, and Liz and how they ruined our lives and how we were so ready to get out of this prison cell, never to see each other again. But I think that was fine between us. We were sick of each other, and no amount of forgivness could fix that, trust me, we tried. I dont really know where we stand today but I know its somewhere between enemies and friendship. Frienemies I guess. I asked if he was gonna be on the bus this afternoon and he said one of his family members was picking him up.
Lucky...
