Love:Such A Stupid Word

In The Beginning...

I sat down at my usual table in the lunch hall, late due to a detention. It was pretty large compared to the rest of the school with pallid white painted walls. Royal blue curtains hung down the enormous murky windows (that were never open) and just barely touched the polished fake wooden floor. This was the first room out of many to be refurbished but to me the expenses spent could have been used for better use. People did rehearsals, physical education and ate in here; it was only a matter of time until things were to get back to the way they were before.

As usual, the lunch hall smelt of cheap, badly made food. Even prisoners were feed better than we were but each time we complained the only answer we would get is ‘we need to consider the school budget’. After a few of these answers, we decided to wait until someone got food poising. Harsh? Yes but at least things would be changed.

I greeted my friends who were sat on our usual round table. I couldn’t help but wince at the sound of loud teenagers gossiping and trying to get their food. Animals. That's what they were, hungry irritating animals. Turing my attention to the only sane people in this hall, I quickly caught up with the conversation. They were talking about the party on Saturday.

Every year, someone threw a party the weekend before school began so everyone could meet. Normally it was friends of friends who would join our grade or we would have already met the people joining (they visited the school) so there was no issue with inviting people to it. Of course, it would be some idiotic person actually hosting the party. An idiot whose parents were away, and who was going to wake up to find his house half-demolished.

"Oh my god! She didn't!" screamed Charley. Her eyes lit up, shocked by the details of a story someone was telling. "Cindy! Did Lauren really go off into the bedroom with Richard?" she asked, leaning forward to hear my answer, unaware that her long chocolate brown hair was now part of her food. Her light green eyes seemed to enlarge as she waited for my answer.

"Mhm," I replied, midway through a bite of my sandwich. "To be honest," I added while swallowing, "if she let him go all the way with her, I wouldn't be surprised. She's so desperate, I actually feel kind of sorry for her."

The other girls nodded in agreement and began to start eating again.

"Did you get any action though?" I looked up from my food to see Abby, grinning wildly at me, while twirling her ginger hair round her finger. Of course, she'd ask me.

I laughed and replied smiling back, "Of course. And I got a couple of numbers."

"But you’re not going to call them-as usual"

"Exactly."

Of course, I wasn't going to call any of them. Why would I? Why should I. Yesterday I had my fun, and that's all it was ever going to be.

It's sad how most girls in our grade are used and abused by guys. It's even sadder that they welcome it. They were eager for it.

They always seem to do stuff like that. And then they cry about it later, wallowing in self-pity. They say that they had 'trusted him'. That they had 'given him everything'. None of them understand that, if a guy can smell your desperation, then he will either avoid you or use you to his advantage. That's just how things are. And the girls need to learn that they aren't going to change anything.

Realising I had lost myself on my thoughts again, I tuned back into the conversation.

"I don't like the way he looks now, to be honest," muttered Anna while biting on her non-existent nails. "I think-"

"Are you crazy, he's totally gorgeous!" interrupted Abby, attempting to throw a grape into Anna's face-but completely missing.

Who were they talking about? I didn't remember seeing a new hot guy at the party. If there were one, I would've known about it. My mind quickly flickered through all the people I remember seeing, as if I was looking through a photo album.

"Cindy, what do you think of Ryan's new look?" Charley asked me.

New look? He wasn't even at the party. Was he?

"What new look?" I asked, now intrigued. I had now finished eating so I started to pack up my things slowly, not releasing eye contact with Charley.

She was just about to answer but the bell rang, signalling the end of our conversation. Packing up our things, we each went our separate ways. I still couldn't stop thinking about Ryan, though. He was the only guy I didn't really want to leave, the only guy I ever cared enough about to stay for. When we had dated, he would never make any change to himself or the way he acted. He hated the thought of it and dispelled any suggestion. He even went crazy when I dyed my hair to brown. (It seemed more of a humble colour and with the boys I had, it didn’t scream whore) It was just frustrating how he always despised the little changes I wanted. That's why we broke up. And now he had a new look?

It just didn't make any sense.